


Fighting Me

by TrashAYfanfiction



Series: Fighting Me [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 1980's, Angst, Bisexual Billy Hargrove, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Bottom Billy Hargrove, Coming of Age, Gay Bar, Gay Billy Hargrove, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Parties, Period-Typical Homophobia, Porn Magazines, Slice of Life, Starcourt Mall (Stranger Things), Step-parents, realistic angst, rock music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-07-28 11:57:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20063647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashAYfanfiction/pseuds/TrashAYfanfiction
Summary: “It’s your fault we’re here in the first place!” Max yells at him, in the small shithole of a town, so far away from his beloved California.“I didn’t raise a sissy!” His dad’s voice echoes in his head whenever he was at the high school’s gym eyeing the strong muscular bodies of his classmates, lifting weights, running, flexing. What he could do with someone that flexible…Sneaking out into the seemed like a good idea. He told dad he was at a concert. Rock music, not a searching for the gay clubs he heard about from his friends.





	1. Fighting Me

**Author's Note:**

> I only casually watch Stranger Things and I don’t ship Billy/Steve within series (though Billy is too queer coded to be straight). I was inspired by the idea that Billy might be a closeted gay. Billy/Karen, Billy/Steve, Billy/Oc, teen angst, internalized homophobia. Potentially bisexual Billy?
> 
> I made Billy into more of a music buff than in canon. I feel like I need to give him some hobbies, and idk how to write about surfing.
> 
> Somewhat playing with timelines. Idk if I’m doing it totally AU (no upsidedown) or if I want allusions to that trauma. It’s fanfiction, you’re here for characters, not plot.

“It’s your fault we’re here in the first place!” Max yells at him, in the small shithole of a town, so far away from his beloved California.

…………………………

“I didn’t raise a sissy!” His dad’s voice echoes in his head whenever he was at the high school’s gym eyeing the strong muscular bodies of his classmates, lifting weights, running, flexing. What he could do with someone that flexible…

Men in front of him were enticing, and invitingly sensual… He hates himself for it. Steve, the pretty one, is especially annoying. He’s attractive and thinks he has a smart mouth because of it. Only Billy seems to notice Steve’s charisma comes from his looks rather than his wit. He’s kind of a moron really; earnest, loyal, well intentioned.

Apparently he used to be pretty hot stuff around here, but Billy doesn’t see why. Those types of qualities don’t help you climb the social ladder, they only help on surface level. Either Steve was really good at pretending or he was just an idiot. You needed to be fake, change your appearance based on who you are interacting with, only pretend to be genuine.

And Billy needed to change right now. Getting a boner over your male classmate was not something he needed to be called out for. 

Steve has no idea the effect he has on Billy and it needs to stop. He hates Steve for it. Hates him and pretends that if Steve was gone, the devilish attraction would leave. 

That attraction would come back, it always did, to someone else. It always came back no matter how he tried to squash it. No matter how or what he did. It was a beast he couldn’t tame.

Billy had grown accustomed to half-heartedly fighting it. It gave some control, some direction. 

He was half-heartedly fighting a lot of things these days though. Himself, Neil, Susan, Max. the principal, some of his friends, the cops, anyone who he came into contact who looked at him wrong.

He could choose when and when not to piss people off. And if he did accidentally get into a fight, well, it was within character by now. And fighting felt good. It was a release of some kind….

He liked fighting Steve especially. It was fun to heckle, smack him around, get the prissy ‘holier than thou’ worked up. Knock him down a peg.

Steve was the king of this shithole town, or at least used to be. He still loved it here for some reason, even after losing his throne. Rumors that Steve got any girl he wanted and genuinely seemed satisfied with them. Billy was jealous. 

He wanted to puke. His own life would never be that easy…..

……………………

California.

Sneaking out into the Castro district seemed like a good idea. He told dad he was at a concert. Rock music, not a searching for the gay clubs he heard about from his friends. Rock music; nothing queer.

His friends had been riffing on them, the clubs. Ridiculous rumors. Fairies playing at being manly men. Billy laughed with his friends when it was mentioned, but he felt bile rising in his throat. Panic…..

They would never expect him, right? He was an unashamed pervert, terrorizing women everywhere, stealing porn and Playboy magazines out of convenience stores. No one knew he’d nearly fucked a guy in the alleyway after a rock show once, when he was fifteen and horny and ready for anything. 

His friends never knew about that. Anyways, he got scared and ran away before anything really happened. The heavy make out session was great but it didn't go farther than hands cupping his crotch and ass, and tangling his hands in the guy’s long permed hair. 

Billy remembered shaking with nerves and want. He knew if he went farther, he’d never go back. No girls had made his body feel like that…….

It needed to stay a secret. It needed to go away.

…………………………..

Yet here he was, trying again.

His Camaro roared out of the trailer park. Toward what, he didn’t know. Heaven? Paradise? Hell in all of it’s debauchery? He had full intention of sleeping in his car that night. 

Two-hour road trip. He’d road tripped for bands before. 

Totally an average guy’s hobby. He’d never had any musical talent himself but as he drove he fantasized if a guitar and microphone attracted men like it attracted desperate girls. A different city every night, someone always eager to please…. He knew _ he _ thought Axl Rose was hot…..

Guns N’ Roses. Metallica. Judas Priest. Twisted Sister. Motley Crue. Nothing poncy. 

Yet here he was.

…………………

He had fun at the club, even if it wasn’t rock music. He didn’t dance, but the repetitive techno helped him get lost in the mass of bodies. It was dreamy even before he was offered chemical assistance to enhance the dream.

Billy didn’t know where he was going beforehand. He’d just followed a pair of tight Levi’s into the bar. They didn’t ID him, but he had a fake ID just in case. There seemed to be several bars around here he could switch to if found out. He was well versed in getting into places. He received his first blowjob in the bathroom. 

Well, first BJ from a man at least. He _ had _ slept around before. He _ was _ a bad kid. He was used to this.

The man in question had bought him two drinks. Those and the fuzzy mix of substances in his head mellowed him enough to try. The curtain on the bathroom stall was blue. The bathroom tile was grimy against his fingertips, damp and cold against his ass as his jeans were pulled down. It would probably feel grimy even after a fresh wash. 

This man was nearly Neil’s age…. Billy tentatively realized he didn’t care. The guy was hot in his leather boots and low cut T-shirt…. Muscular… Strong… rugged. Feeling a stubbly chin brush his thighs was a new experience.

He couldn’t bring himself to touch the guy.

The man kissed his neck afterwards, telling him it was ‘sweet that he was shy’. Some of the cum on his lips stuck to the collar of Billy’s denim jacket. Billy didn’t think much of it at the time, until Neil questioned him about it a few days later. He recoiled in horror, quickly mumbling “Girlfriend,” before covering it with is hand and scrubbing it off with a washcloth. He should have noticed.

“You’re always dating sluts,” his father grumbled, “Change your attitude and you could have a nice girl,”

Billy grumbled something about them “not being as much fun,” and “a virgin pussy’s not worth the effort.”

Neil’s eyes nailed him to the wall daring him to speak back. He remained silent until his father exited the room.

He’d just be more careful next time.

………………………………..

He went back to the bar next week and met a different guy. He couldn’t have found the last guy if he wanted to, they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, he didn’t even know his name….and the guy last week looked similar enough to several other guys there. 

Every time he went to the bar it was someone different. It was nice to not have wishy washy courting rituals and just get straight to the point.

Afterwards he usually slept in his car, but a few times he’d been invited back to a hotel. At first, he refused. He didn’t want anything more than a quick fuck. Insistence on that being the exact purpose for a hotel helped change his mind…. The second time he was offered, he agreed.

He was scared. He only knew the rudimentary implications of what he was signing up for. They’d be naked, in bed, maybe it’d feel like love. It had the potential to last all night, which was exciting, but… he told himself to shut up and stop being such a girl about it.

_ You’re just getting laid. It’s nothing. ...just my reputation if it gets out. _

The hotel was cheap and unremarkable. He noticed other men were in the lobby. Made sense, it was within walking distance from several bars.

He took off his clothes and lay on the bed. They had been all over each other on the way here, no need for further foreplay. The man complained about not being able to admire his “tight little ass in those briefs,” but Billy ignored him.

He reclined against the pillows, showing off the broad expanse of his hairless chest. He’d taken up weightlifting because the rest of the guys did it, and he found it fit in well here. The man looked ready to eat him. This both excited and terrified him. ..he still didn’t know what he expected. Anal sex, yes. Though he hadn’t experimented with himself ever. It was probably very different from what it was with girls…. He hadn’t actually succeeded in convincing a girl to do that yet. He wasn’t a total barbarian to force it on her, despite doing some other rough things she seemed to be totally fine with. 

He wondered if the man would do those things to him and what it would feel like to be held face down at someone’s mercy. It would be degrading, girlish, but it made his dick jump.

The man climbed on top of him. Billy had a good idea the other was going to be topping…. He heard the hollow metal of a small tin opening. A hand pulled his ankles apart. The man was over him, Vaseline slicked fingers spreading Billy’s asscheeks, prodding at him. Coaxing him to open.

He hated that he was panting. Shaking.

He must have been frozen, because the man asked him if anything was wrong.

“Yeah, of course I like it,” Playing cocky as always.

The man asked him to turn over. Chest to the bed, face in the pillows. Fingers found their way inside.

“You’re a virgin,” The guy grunted in his ear behind him, as Billy’s body strained at the shocking new sensation. “Relax,”

Billy was on his knees. He resisted the urge to grip the pillow with both arms; too girly….

He wondered if being a male virgin was like being a girl virgin. He didn’t have a hymen, so….

It still hurt, but in an intriguing way. The excitement of something new. Something wrong and irremediably dirty. Doing something unforgivable that a good man would never do. He tried to relax into it, grow accustomed to the feeling.

It was fun after a while. The other man nearly fully clothed on top of him.

It was still terrifying, taking cock. It made him feel sick thinking about it, but he couldn’t deny it fulfilled a desire he’d rather not voice. He was too anxious to touch himself, instead bracing his hands on the sheets as his body was ground into.,

He didn’t cum, but it was fun. He assumed it was nerves, because every few strokes something inside of him was on fire. A good fire like he’d never felt before, but there was no way he was going to try recreating that for himself when he was home alone.

…………………………………………

He had about three months of being able to go to the bars before Neil found something was up.

“Where have you been?!” His ‘father’ bellowed as Billy entered the house Sunday evening. 

“Out! I told you!” He grudgingly threw his coat on the rack and stomped towards his room.

“You know what happens when you lie?!” He was grabbed and turned around. He hoped the older man couldn’t smell cologne that wasn’t his…. Billy had spritzed himself with it before he left, his hookup had smelled so good… 

But Neil didn’t pay enough attention to him to know how he normally smelled. Billy was being paranoid.

“I’m being honest, I told you!” 

Billy backed himself into the corner of the living room. Best to just let him get over it.

He had always come home with hickeys and love marks even before these escapades. He said it was from the girls at the concerts, no different than before. ….actually the men were better at not leaving marks where others could see. All marks were clearly intentional. It was kind of hot when he looked in the mirror and saw the bruises....

“I told you! I was out! 

“Out causing trouble? I don’t want you getting brought home in a police car again,”

“That was one time and I was there by association!”

“I should be able to trust your friends or where you’re at, because apparently I can’t trust you.”

“You can’t trust me?” Billy laughed trying to conceal his malice, “Bitches are always horny and want to fuck the band, but when the band’s not around, here I am.” He spread his arms, “Ready. Waiting. Would I lie to you about that?”

“You’re a man-whore. Be honest,’ Neil bellowed, spittle flying in a way that would have been comical. Billy refused.

This was common. This had been been common before the gay bars. 

  


……………..

Apparently he screwed up one weekend. Maybe the band he was supposed to be seeing changed venues and he was caught in a lie. Maybe Susan also noticed the collection of concert tickets on his wall hadn’t grown as fast as they should have. Maybe he was taking too much time with his appearance again or they noticed the minute new additions to his look that meant exactly what they thought they did. Whatever happened, it was too much all together. They put it together.

He was confined to the house.

………………….

He later learned Max was the one who caught on first….. Neil was the one who told him. The conversation ended with, “Don’t do that around your sister.”

“She’s not my sister,” is what he spat as a reply….family shouldn’t betray you like that. The little fuckin shitbird, hovering around and blabbing her mouth.

Later Billy asked her if it was true. She denied it, glaring at him as if he was the one who had done something wrong. He let her know, "This would have all been fine if you had just kept your fuckin mouth shut."

………………………..

His parents told him to stay away from ‘people like that’, they mandated that they monitor where he was going. Who he was with. They took his car for a few weeks. That was unfair, he paid for his car himself. It belonged to him. Obviously he rebelled.

They sent him to a counselor. He denied everything. Nothing was proven. It was all allegations.

They tried to cure him. He was locked up in the woods for two weeks surrounded by a pair of therapist and a handful of other problem boys, some of who wanted to be there. No phone, no TV, no good music, just Jesus and feelings. What was there to do aside from get into trouble and piss people off? It was his moral duty to provide some kind of conflict to these depressing shits. The ‘camp’ was supposed to be a month, but he was sent home early: he had punched someone, stole drugs from the medicine cabinet, graffiti a dick on the side of the cabin, and nearly started a major forest fire. All minor things really. 

He was somewhat amused that he was ‘beyond help’ as none of that was homosexual in the slightest. He hadn’t engaged with any of the awkward young men, he didn’t sneak in eyeliner dresses or anything like that. He’d even left his hairspray at home.

  


With no hard evidence, the family moved out of California.

Max yelled at him like the little brat she was. “Why do you keep making Dad so angry!?” She screamed the night they sat in the living room to hear the announcement. Billy would have hit her if she wasn’t the favorite child. 

“It’s your fault! You told him I did things I didn’t do!” He shoved her and locked the door to his room. Radio on blast to hide the sounds of him packing.

He climbed out the window and drove.

………………………………………………………….

He knew where he was going about halfway there. His favorite beach. Where he used to surf with Mom watching…. When he would let adults watch him. Before he was a bad kid, life was easy.

He didn’t surf much anymore. He’d kinda fallen out of it after mom left. Too many memories. He went occasionally with groups of friends, but not nearly as often. 

He still loved it though. Spray in his face, wind ruffling his hair, the salt on his body. The thrill and fear kinda reminded him of now; a force of nature he couldn’t control…. exhilarating. He loved the water. He couldn’t control the waves, but he could control himself within their grasp.

He tried not to think of her leaving. It just made him feel bitter an left behind. He had wanted to go with her.

He breathed in the night air. 

This wasn’t the first time he’d been ‘found out’. He hinted at it to his friend Nate a few weeks before.

He’d almost let it slip even before that. About a month after he first started sneaking out to the bars, him, Nate and some other friends went to a show and partied with some D-list opener band. Nate had really liked them, so decided to talk after the show. The drummer’s girlfriend had taken a liking to him, commenting on his hair and they were invited to hang out. He was proud of himself. Nate’s girlfriend had just bleached it for him. He was a wonderfully shocking frizzy mess. 

Anyways, while there the drummer’s girl flashed him. She was pale and voluptuous. Her nipples were brown, and Billy saw bruises on her hips. She was wild. Hesitantly he watched her boyfriend, ready for a retort, but met with a suave blown kiss. The man’s dark eyes and shaggy hair offset his distractingly large nose. One thing led to another and all three of them were in the hotel bathroom. Nate, the guys, and the other band members on the other side of the door as their hands tangled over top of her. Groping her breasts, tweaking her nipples….Her body was supple, so much softer and cooler than a man’s; it jiggled and shook as they pleasured her. The drummer allowed Billy to kiss his neck. He was sweaty from the concert and tasted of hairspray. 

The girl was hot, and her boyfriend was alright. The rockstar look did more for him than anything else he had going for him. 

It devolved into her sucking Billy off while her boyfriend fucked her. She was enthusiastic and the brush of her sharp teeth was unexpectedly good. She came, spasming and twisting between them. The drummer reached over his girlfriend and held Billy in place by the hips. Billy initially recoiled expecting to be kissed, but it never happened.

Their rhythm started again.

Billy couldn’t help but focus on those hands on him as he went over the edge.

After the boy came, he pressed Billy’s face into her cunt. Billy was surprised but didn’t struggle lapping at her boyfriends essence. The girl sighed happily.

“Ya wanna fuck me next time?” the drummer whispered in his ear. Billy’s crotch throbbed. He evaluated the thin man. Ruggedly manicured, girl’s clothes, big nose, thin lips, wiry muscles….he thought drummers were usually bulkier. He wasn’t overflowing with charisma, but he wasn’t bad.

“Maybe,” Billy smiled. “I’ll give you my number if you give me some tickets,”

None of the guys seemed to notice as they stumbled out of the bathroom forty-five minutes later. Billy’s knees were weak. Billy was curious what had been overheard through the door, but nobody mentioned anything. Nate was still chatting and significantly more beers littered the floor.

The guitarist stared Billy down cautiously as they settled back into the room. Billy was curious how often this happened. The band had to know. The drummer seemed a typical wannabe rockstar. 

You don’t share a hotel and dressing room and not know. But it didn’t matter, did it? They were all sexual degenerates and perverts. They were already bad boys. 

Billy wanted to know if Nate would be the same as the band if he knew. He trusted Nate.

It could have gone worse. It didn’t go horrible, but it didn’t go well. He didn’t exactly ‘come out’ but he implied it enough. 

It went about as well as it could have. 

Confusion.

Shock.

Realization about what was being implied but not explicitly nailed down.

“I- I...- I’m not about that life man, I’m sorry. I don’t know who you are, or what you’re gonna do….” The voice of his highschool best friend. Billy reached out to him, intent on giving a brotherly clap on the shoulder, brushing it all off as a joke.

“Get the fuck away from me!” His hand was slapped away.

So much for being honest.

Nate came back a week later, hands in his pockets. “I haven’t told anyone, and I’m not gonna tell anyone, but I don’t want to hear about it, okay?” He shook his long fringe to the side. “And I’m not going to defend you if you get yourself into trouble with it,”

A line was drawn. Billy respected that.

“Yeah, I know. It’s gross,” Billy agreed. 

It could have been worse, but honestly, it went pretty well. He didn’t expect to still be talked to.

  


On the beach Billy watched the waves rush over the sand. He kicked off his shoes. The sand was soft and cool. He felt the icy chill run up his body as he waded along the shore.

The sun was already down. He tried sleeping in his car but he was restless. It’s not like he had anyplace else to go. It was better than having the cops drag him home. He wasn’t technically kicked out. Might as well sleep in his childhood room while he still had it. 

He came home from the beach to find his bedroom door missing. Confiscated by Neil. 

He would be leaving California soon and he didn’t know any of the guys at the bars enough to stay with them. He only knew the names of a handful. Marc the bartender knew him because he spotted Billy’s fake ID, gave him a knowing glance handing it back, refusing to serve him, but letting him stay in the bar. He’d hooked up with Roy twice, only learning his name on the second encounter. The sex was great, but Roy had a wife.

Nobody billy could rely on.

The real queens, who dressed and acted like women, had houses of their own he knew. He didn’t want to be caught up in that. He’d been told their houses were more like brothels anyways, and he wasn’t up to peddling his ass yet. Though, one of the men at the bar had paid him for an encounter. He’d initially refused, but a hundred dollars sweetened the deal. It was perfectly adequate sex, but he didn’t want to make a habit of it. 

…………………………………

He didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew what he didn’t want: and that was packing up all his stuff and moving his life to Shithole, Illinois.

While he hadn’t asked for gym class was with Steve, he appreciated it. He hadn’t expected anyone attractive to be here, though Steve was not somebody he could have.

The hair on the back of his neck prickled and blood rushed to his groin watching the teen.

The men at the clubs were usually burlier than Steve. Very few ‘boy next door’ types. Billy had never expected the ‘good boy’ type to be what got him going, though he had many interests… Or was just a slut, but how much did that matter?

Steve was obnoxiously attractive. 

It was irritating being turned on by somebody you couldn’t have. He was bitter, and bullying was as close to sexual release as he was going to get. It also gave him a reputation in this new town to not be messed with. There were no men here like him; surfers, metalheads, or ...otherwise. 

“Hey pretty boy,” He mocked and shoved the other. He always made sure to be close, uncomfortably close. He could smell Steve’s hairspray and cologne, and hoped Steve could smell his. He hoped he smelled delicious. 

He licked his lips. It was a titillating obsession. 

This wasn’t flirting. But what was the difference between flirting and rivalry? He’d always loved gym class.

He always watched Steve in the showers. He thought Steve noticed a while ago but didn’t say anything.

Steve probably wrote him off as a volatile weirdo, which was true. Billy tried hard to maintain his ‘hot, but crazy’ image. It was great for keeping up appearances; if he let anything slip it wasn’t questioned in fear of a beatdown or it was written off as a ‘California’ personality quirk. He enjoyed that part of curating himself as a hypersexual homoerotic bad boy in Hawkins: there was no one here who caught on. He was in the middle of nowhere where nothing ever happened.

He wondered if anyone knew. He didn’t have any reputation left to save despite nothing ever being proven. He wasn’t worried about the danger of a small town. He was scary enough he doubted anyone would try to kick his ass for it. He wondered if Steve knew.

But Steve had a girlfriend; the princess of Hawkins High, Nancy Wheeler. ...he lost her to a freak, Johnathan Beyers. But overall he had a girl. A nice girl. 

Billy fantasized about how Steve fucked it up so bad. Was Steve just awful in bed? If so, it would be fun teaching the man what to do. He grinned to himself as he jerked his hand.

He’d love to show Steve what to do to people. And for people.

Women were finicky though, so it was hard to know for sure why they broke up. Billy wrote it off as wishful thinking. 

He assumed Steve was into ‘just sex’, seeing as most of the jockstrap types were. It was bragging rights. 

You couldn’t brag about being with a man…. Though it might have humiliation appeal.

Billy wanted to tell someone just to see them cringe… He came in his hand at the thought of bringing Steve down to his level.

Forbidden things were fun. Billy had always found them intriguing, even when his mom was still around and he wasn’t a ‘problem child’ yet. He had always been adventurous. He needed to see and touch things for himself despite warnings. Back then it was for curiosity. 

Now it was for self-destruction. 

He hated himself and everyone around him. But he wouldn’t let them know that.

  


……………………………………

“You look like a wet dream,” Ms. Wheeler eyed him. 

Their flirting had become normal, again they were alone. He was at her house. The family was away. He stood in the bedroom door with his shirt unbuttoned.

“Do I now?” He was fully aware. He didn’t spend hours in the mirror for nothing. “I like a girl with an appetite,” He smirked. “ I’m sure you have very special tastes, what do you want me to do for you?”

He noticed the nightstand drawer was ajar, probably arranging toys. This wasn’t the first time they’d done this.

Things didn’t always start off so slow. He could read the mood today and see what she wanted. When she wanted him to take her, fast and hard, she’d play coy. Now it was his turn. They both played cat and mouse, both equal parts predators and degenerates, unfulfilled by their current relationships…. An enticing destruction that filled the void.

She lay on top of him, kissing the back of his neck and whispering in his ear as he paged through her Playgirl magazines.

“I like him,” she stroked Billy’s hair and pointed at an image of a young man on a motorcycle.

“Yeah,” Billy licked his lips, hopefully hiding that his arousal was from the magazine more so than the woman behind him, “He’s what you find cute?”

Mrs. Wheeler’s hands traced his chest, groping and pinching his nipples. She whispered dirty things in his ear. She gestured him to roll over onto his back.

“I don’t look like that at all,” He playfully argued. The young man was muscular, sure, but he was clean shaven with short brunette hair. No earrings, no stubble….but definitely older than Billy. Then again, nobody younger than Billy would have been legal to pose for a nude magazine.

Regardless, it was nice to be wanted. Karen was a good looking woman; fun, audacious. Their secret relationship and not-so-subtle flirting was thrilling, ….but as the night progressed and he gripped her hips he imagined the man on the motorcycle riding him….. 

To get fucked over the back of a motorcycle…. 

He always was a bad kid. This just wasn’t forbidden enough, he told himself.

………………………………………….

He swiped a one of her magazines.

Tucked it into the back of his jeans as she hugged him goodbye. She noticed the folded glossy paper. 

“To get ideas of what I can do for you,” He told her under long eyelashes, biting his lip, puffing his chest out.

She smiled at him, kissing him, arranging his hair in a maternal manner he didn’t want to think about. “You don’t need to lie to me,” She said. Panic bubbled in him at those words…..

“Be honest,”

The fight or flight response was rising in his throat, only to be brought down with-

“You stole it because there’s a rock star on the cover,” She blew him a kiss before groping him, “Show me the pictures that give you ideas. Be a centerfold just for me. Also,” She glanced away, girlishly wiggling her shoulders, her breasts swaying with the movement, “I want to get a new toy for next time,”

“Oh really?” He smiled down at her. She was a lot of fun, a firecracker. He wondered if she was always like this, or if it was a side effect of having the world’s most boring man as her husband. 

He wondered if her daughter was the same and did freaky things in bed.

Karen stuck out her tongue suggestively, unbecoming of her age, “Let’s get something to put inside of you,” She was all teeth, he could feel her nails on his back. She was smaller and weaker than him, he could leave if he wanted to…. “If you don’t like it, you could use it on me.” She cooed, her request startling but not petrifying.

“I- I’ll think about it,” He shakily stepping away, shoving his feet into his boots before shutting the door.

……………………………

He hid the copy of Playgirl among his Penthouse mags. In California, he’d never imagine bring contraband like this home…. But if they thought he was a fruit already……no harm…. and besides, it wasn’t gay. It was a women’s magazine. He genuinely had it for Karen’s entertainment.

The first time he found porn was at his friend Nate’s house. They were both twelve years old and searching in the closet for…. Something. Whatever it was was quickly forgotten about because they soon found something much more interesting.

On the top shelf there was plastic milk crate. They were just tall enough to reach. Nate grabbed it before faltering under the surprising weight. It tumbled to the floor, glossy magazines sliding out.

His mother yelled a cautionary “What are you doing?” in reaction to the sound.

They hurriedly moved to pick them up before noticing a topless girl on the cover of one. Billy froze, locking eyes with his friend. This was NOT something they were supposed to have. The magazines were hastily thrown back into their crate and shoved into the bottom of the closet. A handful of copies were grabbed and taken back to Nate’s room. Nobody would miss them.

They didn’t jerk off together despite already knowing how to at this age. Billy hadn’t heard of any straight boys watching porn together while jerking off, and honestly he found it a tired trope. Nate and him did gawk at the images.

The door was closed and they were strewn across the floor. Pretty, beach-tanned blondes. Wild brunettes wearing leather bikinis. Demure pale redheads in petal pink satin sheets. 

All wonderfully shocking. Thrilling. Nate’s pants were tented as they looked through the images.

Billy felt uncomfortable and he remembered heat in his face and neck.

Not quite uncomfortable like other picture’s he’d seen though.

Nate’s older brother had a few rock posters on his walls. 

_ Do not _ get turned on by Led Zeppelin’s Swan Song Records logo, he reminded himself every time he walked through the door. _ Do Not. Stop looking at it. _ It was right there in the center of the wall, 24x36 glossy goodness. 

Icarus’s hands flung up to the sky, reaching. Straining. In pain from flying too close to the sun, but somehow still looking triumphant from committing a great feat. That pain was attractive. Billy was reluctant to name why that was attractive. 

“I know, it’s weird right?” Nate’s brother interrupted his thoughts, laughing at Billy’s embarrassment of being caught. “He doesn’t have a dick,” 

…..so you were allowed to have a poster of a naked man on your wall if he didn’t have a dick. Interesting. 

In the moment he just remembered feeling like such a fucking loser that he got more turned on by a painting than by photos of a real girl. 

He’d never seen images like that of a man.

………………………………

Little sisters ruined everything.

Max knew where his porn was. When they first arrived in Hawkins she ‘investigated’ his new room. She put stickers over all the magazine naughty bits. They didn’t come off without ripping the pages. She drew dicks on a few of the girls, moustaches and facial hair on others. He was pissed. She ruined a good four magazines. It’s not like he could easily restock.

The drawer wasn’t a great place to hide the Playgirl magazine, but if it was in between a few copies of Penthouse nobody would know. 

Sometimes women were okay, and having the magazines kept up appearances. Appearances were everything.

He didn’t have a lock on his room here, but at least he had a door. …not like the lock would hold in the plaster walls and faux wood door frame anyways. He’d installed a lock, but Neil promptly ripped it out yelling, “This is my house! What are you doing in there that you need to hide!”

“I’m jerking off! Obviously! Or do you think I’m doing cocaine in my bedroom!” he screamed back, “Where the fuck and I going to get cocaine in Hawkins? None of you know how to fucking knock!”

………………………………..

He started bringing women home and having very loud sex with them. Max would mock him at the breakfast table the next morning. 

“You’re twelve, shut up.” He threatened her with a fork through a mouthful of eggs. 

“And I can still hear you and it’s_ disgusting _.” She enunciated the last word.

“Maybe you need to go out more,” He shrugged. “Don’t be home if I’m fucking,”

“I would, but my skateboard doesn’t take me far enough on the shitty roads here. I need a bike, or you need to drive me,” She put her feet on the table.

“And who’s fault is it that we’re here?” They had went over this conversation before, his contempt had grown tired.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a desperate slut!”

“Maybe you shouldn’t make up stories about me,”

“I was worried about you, OK? That’s why I told dad. I didn’t know where you were going,” She whined. 

He clenched his fist. Sometimes he wanted to think of it as an honest mistake, sometimes he thought of it as sabotage. The outcome was the same for either. “I don’t need you blabbing your mouth to everyone you meet, shitbird,”

“You’re my brother.”

“Sure,” He replied curtly, “tell yourself that,”

  


Max chased off a couple of his girlfriends, but each girlfriend lasted longer than he wanted them to. Hawkins was small, he didn’t want to run out of easy girls and still be stuck here.

He hated letting anyone get too close. 

He was still watching Steve. Definitely not the King of Hawkens High anymore. Steve spent his time with middle schoolers and now worked at an ice-cream shop. Very domestic. He let Steve know with biting insults.

Steve never seemed scared no matter how much Billy threatened. Billy saw that as stupidity. Stupidity was endearing though. 

Steve would graduate soon and would probably stay in Hawkins. Everybody stayed in Hawkins. Nobody got out of a small town.

School continued like normal. Billy slept through classes and skated by barely passing. He babysat Max and drove her around. Her friends bothered him, but nobody listened to his warnings or threats. 

It was annoying, boring and normal.

Steve was around her a surprising amount, it didn’t make sense. Billy watched, the last thing he needed was two fuckups in the family. 

She said he didn’t do anything to her. Somehow Billy believed her.

Steve was funny. Suspicious. Hiding things.

Gym class was funny. In the locker room, Steve swatted him with a rolled-up towel. It didn’t hurt, and Billy knew it could have fuckin stung if Steve wanted it to. But was it flirting? Was this a trap?

Confirmation that at least Steve knew Billy was watching him.

……………………….

Summer came around. Hot but not the heat of California. 

He got a job as a lifeguard at the community pool. All that beach time was good for something, and he did genuinely like water. The pool was the perfect place to go cruising for women, and to skeeze on the few men Hawkins had that were worth looking at. …he didn’t ever see Steve there, but there was another brunette boy with long hair Billy wouldn’t mind a round with….

_ Oh god, he had a thing for athletic brunettes didn’t he? Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. No! No he didn’t. _

The job was tolerable but he was still bitter. He much preferred the ocean.

……………………………………….

He didn’t see Steve at all that summer until he found him working at the new Starcourt mall. Billy’s current girlfriend had wanted ice cream and led them to the obnoxiously cheery shop. He’d have avoided the mall in general if it wasn’t for the record store and the Ray Ban’s booth. He fully expected two glum teens with forced smiles, but didn’t expect to know them; goddam small towns. 

Seeing Steve, he felt his pants tighten. Stupid dopey sailor uniform. He had never had a kink for that...

His girlfriend ordered and tongued the ice cream cone as he paid. Billy smirked, leaning forward, licking the other side of her cone, eyes on her, flirting, but glancing to Steve who nearly dropped the change. Billy knew what to do with his mouth. His girlfriend giggled. Steve looked like he wanted to leave, so Billy blew him a kiss. The punky girl behind the counter watched.

Ms. Wheeler didn’t mind Billy’s girlfriends, the girls were no threat. “If girls my age were good enough, I wouldn’t have you,” He smiled. He was worried at first that she’d be angry, but they were both part of the affair. They both knew this was a secret.

Billy liked how reasonable Karen was compared to the girls who were so desperate to get with him: the girls who needed a boyfriend to survive. He hated them. He felt strangled by their presence.

He hated girls who expected to be loved by him. He didn’t want anyone to love him.

Him and the girlfriend walked toward a booth. She was talking about nothing. She expected him to nod and agree.

“He’s mean,” he overheard the girl working with Steve. “That self-obsessed asshole.” She said it with no real anger and sat down on her high stool. Billy pretended to ignore her. 

“He’s just like you last year. Do you think he’s hot?”

Mumbling from Steve. More conversation from her Billy didn’t quite hear.

“Try it,” She piped up and wiggled her feet, wiggling her weight on the stool.

“Don’t say that in public,” A murmur said with enough force that it carried.

_ Oh? Try what now? _ Sounded juicy. ...his girlfriend kicked him under the table and pulled him back into her one-sided conversation.

……………………………………….

Billy came back to the mall a few days later. ….what could he say? The ice-cream was good and they didn’t sell it in pints at the store. Having a single cone was better for his figure than buying a whole pint anyways. Steve wasn’t working but the girl was.

“Robin” her nametag read.

“There’s a party in the woods next weekend,” She told him, “Bunch of alternative kids. I know you’re not one of us, but I think you’d like it.” She brought her fingers together to indicate a toke. 

He laughed at her, “I don’t think that’s my scene, honey,”

She shrugged, rolling her eyes as she scooped ice-cream, “Steve will be there,”

“Yeah, so? He’s not fun to bother anymore,” _ There’s nothing to take away from him, he’s already lost it. _

“I know you don’t care about stupid high school social hierarchy, but you need a hobby aside from harassing kids and you’ll go anywhere to get your rocks off,” She placed the cup on the counter.

_ Ouch, called out. _ “What about you? Will you be there?” He shoved his wallet back into his jeans.

“I don’t want to be your side-bitch,” She clicked her tongue chastising.

“You don’t even know my name,” He tried leaning over the counter and pulling his charm.

“You’re Billy Hargrove, your sister is Maxine. You play basketball, but you’re not on the team. You work as a lifeguard at the community pool, and you’re the reason your family moved here,” She crossed her arms. 

“Fuckin abrasive straightshooter. Are you my stalker?” Admittedly, he was quite amused.

“I’m a girl,” She stated as if she couldn’t believe how much of a moron he was. It was kind of cute. “This is a small town. What entertainment is there if not to watch all you idiots,”

“You think you know a lot about me?” This was kind of a fun challenge.

“No,” She answered glibly, “But I know enough. Come out. Near the field on the east side, 9pm. Park in the field, you’ll see the bonfire. Kristen’s family has an airstream. BYOB,”

“How big of a party you talking?”

“Come and find out,” She set the ice-cream cup in his hand.

…………………………………

The party was strange. A house party but outdoors. 

There was a shallow stream coming out of the trees. Several people were wading in it. Boys in their shorts. Topless girls with high-pitched giggles. Music was blaring off a generator powered speaker system. Beer bottles were everywhere.

Billy didn’t recognize anyone, but what did it matter? He’d brought his flask: the cheapest easiest way to get drunk when there was no one to bum drinks off of. Being here was no worse than being anywhere else, and Neil had been particularly bitchy tonight before Billy drove off.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He was caught by the back of his shirt.

Billy knocked the hand away, defiant stare. Neil loomed over him, “Just what the fuck do you think I’m going to do around here?” 

Neil conceded at that. Billy straightened his necklace, checking to make sure his earring was still in place.

“Someone ought to rip that outta your fuckin head one of these days,” A disapproving snort.

“You should see what happens to the guys who try. You didn’t raise a sissy,” He clicked his tongue. His keys jingled as he opened the door to freedom. He was sure he looked as smug as he felt.

He found Robin by the fire, Steve by her side like a puppy. He barely noticed the plain-looking girl on her arm, clinging and chattering. Whispering in her ear, playing with her hair. Girls were just like that weren’t they? Close, touchy? He noticed Steve was nervous. That’s right, Steve and his group had harassed and tormented most of these people, not a good look for him. He was probably waiting to be tar and feathered. ...Billy wanted to be around to see that.

Aside from avoiding Steve he also noticed the patrons gave him cautious space as well. He shrugged it off. It meant nothing. If they wanted to fight him, they were welcome to it.

Robin waved at him cheerfully, fire stick in one hand poking the blaze.

It was honestly just like any other part. Loud. Horny. Drunk shenanigans of all kinds. Sneaking away out of the general public’s eyeline for spicier makeouts. 

He had never been in the art student clique, but honestly it didn’t seem any different. Catty drama between groups within the same scenes. Robin was all too happy to explain. Eventually she left them for another group, girl on her arm following her.

Him and Steve were alone in the gathering, undeniably the odd men out. Billy was too much of a manicured rebel to blend in, and Steve was just a yuppie. The kids here were awkward and clunkily dresses; either a lack of self-esteem or self-awareness, and Billy didn’t know which to pick.

He thought he heard them whispering about him, commenting on the ring on his middle finger. His earring. ...well, they were picking up on things. He didn’t expect that from Hawkins. 

He hid a smirk as he lit a cigarette. 

“Never thought I’d wind up here,” Steve opened once the silence permeated too long.

“Yeah, surrounded by freaks and weirdos,” Billy elaborated, tapping his cigarette. “I don’t know where I thought I’d be. No plans. Just not here,”

“Was California nice?”

“You have no idea,” He applauded himself for holding a civil conversation. He offered Steve a swig of his flask, Steve declined with a wave of his hand.

“Suit yourself. Have you ever been out of the state?”

“I went to Minnesota once for a wedding,”

“That’s not out of the state, you fucking nerd. I meant like go out, do something on your own, because you want to,”

“No,” Steve replied quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I haven't done that,”

“You didn’t want to come to this party,” Billy blew smoke at him. The wind took it away and combined the small cloud with the fire’s blaze.

“You didn’t want to either,” Steve inched a burning branch closer to the fire with his foot.

Billy shook his ashes on the ground, “No no, I was _ hesitant. _ That’s different,”

“You care what people think of you,” Steve said. Pointed, objective. 

“What makes you say that.” Admitted he would have punched Steve had there been anybody else to hang out with at the party.

“You try so hard to act like you don’t care. It’s not real,” 

….Steve was getting real close to being punched.

“I’’m sure you know all about that firsthand. I don’t know what fucking drugs they gave you, but I’m not drunk enough to deal with this,” He took a drag, cocking his head back, spilling smoke from his lungs into the atmosphere, offering Steve the cig in delicate fingers, palm up. He held his flask out to his side with his other hand, like he was saluting the heavens. The blazing fire warmed his face and chest, a welcome contrast to the cool night air on his back.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me,” Steve started again.

“What?” Billy spat, tone apathetic as a prickle down his spine. Fight and flight. Get the fuck outta there. 

_ This fucker…. _

“It’s fine,” Steve sat in the grass, not a fighting position, not that Billy wouldn’t kick him if the wrong thing was said or implied to be said. 

“What are you saying? How do I look at you?” He turned from the warmth grudgingly.

Silence.

Steve shrugged, tilting his head toward….. shapes obscured by brush on the other side of the river, their spot on the hill just high enough to see, moving.

Billy did a double take, and sneered, “They all…. Like that here?”

“I don’t know!” Steve’s voice cracked with stress. His flinch was cute.

“I’m not here to be your quick fuck cuz your girlfriend dumped you and your crush is a lesbian,”

Steve’s big eyes were taken aback, but he looked as if he was evaluating if that really was his motivation. If was enough for Billy to know. Billy hated soul searching.

“But I do like messing around,” Billy’s haughty smile was softer than Steve had ever seen it. Scruffy stubbly moustache and white teeth… “You could be fun,”

………

He sucked Steve down by the river behind some trees. The young man was adorably bashful, pleading with his eyes, worried this wasn’t okay.

“Of course it’s gross,” Billy smirked, licking the crown. “Perverted, dirty….” The dirt was staining the knees of his jeans. The bugs were obnoxious.

“You’ve never done this with a guy have you?” He mumbled into the other’s crotch.

“No,”

“You’ve never fantasized about a guy?” He jostled. 

“N-no,” Steve was looking like he was worried about answering.

“You want to know what I fantasize about?” Billy teased the tip with his tongue, letting the full length press against the outside of his cheek. “I think about fucking men all night. Every night I touch myself I think of their hands on me. I want to be ruined by them,” He glanced up at Steve, hoping his words were inviting instead of repulsive.

They seemed to have a good effect. Steve’s eyes were shut as he gripped the tree behind him.

“What? You’re not going to pull my hair?”

Hesitantly Steve moved his hand forward, tangling it in the curls, clumsily petting him. He moaned as Billy carefully began to play….

Billy was still in shock how lucky he was. Anything he suggested, it seemed like Steve would do.

He edged the older boy for a while before stopping. Having the man desperate and needy under his control was alluring.

He pinched the base of Steve’s cock before standing up to kiss him. “I can’t let you come yet, I have so much more I want to do with you,” 

Steve trembled beneath the kiss, whining, momentarily flinching at the taste of precome on the blonde’s tongue. Billy felt pleased, “I’ll be a lot of firsts, pretty boy,” They hadn’t kissed before this. It was amusing to know a BJ had been allowed before a kiss, though he was somewhat disappointed. He expected Steve to be more of the romantic type. He’d expected Steve grab him and claim his mouth. He was mildly disappointed.

“This is what desire feels like,” Billy slid his hand over Steves hard dick, pulling up his underwear, lovingly tucking it in. “It’s worth the wait,”

………………………….

They fucked in Billy’s car. Leather seats finally cooled from the night air, far enough away from the party that only the base throbbed in the distance. It was surprisingly spacious, leaning the seats back and climbing all over each other. He’d never done it here with anyone, always saying he ‘didn’t want to ruin the seats,”. A girl had jerked him off once while he was driving, but that was as close as he got.

Though he would’ve let one of the guys at the bars give him road head had the opportunity arose… He never had been with them long enough to take them driving; just a quick fuck. Maybe he would take Steve driving if they continued to get along.

He pulled off Steve’s jeans. A pathetic whine. There was a spot of moisture on his cute white briefs.

“Do you want to top me? Or do I do you?” He was breathless. He didn’t really care, he just needed to get off. It had been so long.

“Hm?” Steve answered dreamily, only half hearing the question. Intent on not making any decisions at the moment, just along for the ride. Billy tisked him, knowing there was nothing inhibitive in the man’s system aside from lust.

His own body was hot. He pulled his tank top over his head, shedding it, throwing it in the back seat.

Steve smiled dopily. tantalized at Billy’s chest, gripping his pec appreciatively, trailing a finger down his abs.

Billy leaned into the touch, breathing heavily. “You didn’t answer my question,” He was irritated before remembering Steve didn’t normally partake in this. He shook his head. “Fine, I’ll do it,”

“What are you gonna do?” Interested, but cutely talking down to him like one would to a girl. Billy snorted.

“I’ll ride you,” He swung his legs on either side of Steve’s hips. Steve flinched. Billy was crouching over him, curly locks of hair dangling in his face. 

Steve allowed himself to be moved and manipulated.

There was KY in the glove compartment. Steve watched with self-conscious excitement as the blonde did things he hadn’t known could be fantasized about. Bill hoped anxiety didn’t kill his boner. ...it had been a while. He was trembling with need.

“Ah!” An exclamation of shock and pleasure from Steve as Billy sunk down. He bit his lip, getting used to the intrusion. Steve began to buck. He was quickly shoved back into place.

“Don’t fucking move,” Billy barked, “You move when I tell you. For now, you stay there,” he jumped his hips and dropped them, slowly, steadily picking up pace. Steve struggled to obey.

He held Steve down by the shoulders. He let out his own whine of lust. Steve’s hands twitched next to his legs, Billy grabbed them and moved them to his hips, “You can touch me, I won’t bite,” He said it with a cough, “You’re here to make me feel good.” Steve couldn’t help twitching his hips, just once. Billy wailed as a new spot was suddenly touched.

“You feel like you’re getting the hang of this?” Billy’s grin was irresistible. He bit his lip as ws waves of pleasure jostled his body. Steve pulled him into a sloppy kiss, moving together faster and more sure. Pleasure and egos. Eager tugging on his hair and hips, deepening the embrace.

“Ah! Don’t smoke while having sex with me,”

“Why not? It’s fun. It’s relaxing,” Billy held the cigarette off to the side as he blew smoke into Steve’s mouth. The window was cracked. Most of the smoke permeated out into the night air. “Move enough so I can’t bring it to my lips….”

The eight track blared.

Rock n roll and hot bodies. The cigarette was snuffed out as the pace increased.

“Mmm, yeah. Just like that. Just like that,” He held onto Steve as he ground down harder.

There was a tap on the car window. Flashlight shown inside.

“Clear out, party’s over,” Steve jumped at Hopper’s voice, Billy moaned from the movement.

More tapping on the window. “Now,”

A groan of contempt. Still straddling his partner Billy grudgingly looked up. He waved his hand at the flashlight. It was too bright.

“Hargrove! Who’s that with you? Ugh-!” A wrinkled nose as Hopper realized that wasn’t a woman Billy was on top of in the passenger seat. The beam of his flashlight faltered. 

Billy stifled Steve’s face with his Tshirt. Steve’s shirt had been hiking higher and higher on his face anyways. “Who do you think?” Billy mocked, amused at Steve’s muffled cry. There was no way the other wanted to be found out. He was doing Steve a favor.

“Don’t lie to a police officer,”

“I’m not lying.” _ Why does it fucking matter who I’m with? I stopped already. Go the fuck away. _

“Get out of the car kid,” Exhaustion. “or I will fuckin arrest you. Have you been drinking tonight?”

A groan and sigh as a reply. He kept the shirt over Steve’s face as he slipped his briefs back on… they had only been around one leg. He stumbled out of the driver’s side in sock feet. He stood at attention. He hoped Steve was smart enough to stay-

“-And your friend,” Hopper gestured to the car. Steve righted his Shirt and zipped up his pants before stepping out.. .

“….Harrington...?”

Steve smiled weakly. The police officer looked thoroughly baffled, taking several seconds to decide how to direct them.

Hopper shook a breathalyzer at Billy, not making eye contact. Billy could see that ‘blow’ was on the tip of his tongue but he was too embarrassed in light of the situation. “You know what to do,” He settled on. 

Billy exhaled; 0.05…. he was good. Good to drive at least. He smiled hopefully: toothy charming white grin. Hopper still frowned at him. 

He was still underage.

Hopper handed the device to Steve. Billy waved it away “He hasn’t had any.” 

Hopper insisted, 

….0.02, negligible but some. The older man looked disappointed in the both of them. He evaluated their form of undress again: disbelief at the situation he found them in. 

“Go- go home, I’m letting you off with a warning. Don’t let me catch you again or I’ll take you back to the station and phone your parents. You know what you’re supposed to be doing,”

Steve nodded, embarrassed, trying to apologize. Billy stretched and muttered a non committal apology. They shuffled back towards the Camaro. 

Hopper put a hand between them, “Harrington, you have your own car. I saw it,”

Steve nodded and stepped away before turning back after a few paces, “Chief, you’re not going to tell anyone?”

Hopper grumbled and shrugged uncomfortably. No actual reply, but evidence he didn’t want to think of it again.

“Thanks,” Steve stood, watching. 

“Just be careful, okay?” A hesitant statement was obviously directed at Steve. Billy snorted. It was strange seeing a cop care so much. In Cali they reveled in throwing around their power. Outside the bars he’d been smacked around by police…

Hopper’s look harshened when he turned to Billy. The bleached blonde recoiled.

Billy rocked back on his heels, still in his underwear, leaning against his car. “I’m always careful. I’ll be more careful next time,”

“Good. You’re who I’m worried about, bub,” Hopper tapped the car impatiently, seeing if Billy would dig his own grave with an unneeded witty comeback. “Get your clothes on and get out of here,”

“My family knows,” Billy stated. Implying ‘_ you can’t hold this over me.’ _

“You like your reputation,” The teen didn’t know if the officer’s statement was meant to be menacing. 

“I’ll take him down with me,” Billy nodded towards his ex-companion and Steve grew rigid at the threat.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,”

Billy reached opened the car door and began untangling his pants. Hopper stayed, watching them.

“You leave him alone. He’s not like you,”

“Sure,” Billy shook his head, jewelry catching the moonlight. Medallion on his chest, long earring in his left ear… “He’s not like me at all. I’m sure you know,”

Steve stayed out of distance while Billy dressed. Hopper eventually moved on. The party had died. There was no music. All the booze had been confiscated.

“Did you really mean that?” Steve questioned.

“What?”

“That you’ll tell people,”

Billy lit up a cigarette, “I don’t know. Depends if you piss me off. What’s it to you?”

“This is a small town Billy,”

“You worried? You don’t want it to turn on me?” Playful, but curious. “I’m sure I’ll be fine,”

Steve watched him, stepping closer, but not within arms reach. 

“Do you want to do it again?” Billy’s careful question, biting his bottom lip as an invitation. “I didn’t get to come,” He shifted, hoping the contour of his chest caught the moonlight. He moved himself closer. Steve squirmed, but didn’t walk away. They still weren’t touching despite personal space being miniscule.

“I-I don’t want this getting out,” Steve kicked the ground, side eyeing Billy for a comeback.

“I feel the same,” He smiled and offered Steve the smoke. The other boy accepted. Finger’s didn’t touch, but they were close enough to be breathing the same air. Shiny soft lips sucked the paper cylinder.

They passed the cigarette back and forth, contemplating the void of the night sky. Warm breath between them.

Eventually Billy dropped the filter and snuffed it out.

He was stuck here for another year. He would really like if this happened again. It might be fun to try someting new; fucking the same guy several times. He’d like to see if it got boring the same way girls did… If it did get boring, that might be good news for him.

He was an outsider in Hawkins, but even in California he’d been a freak. He would be a freak anywhere. What would his parents do if they caught him again? Move him to another small town and repeat? He doubted it. What good would it do? He would fuck it up there too. 

He hated thinking about the future. Thinking about the present was hard enough. 

He smiled at Steve, a hint of apology for what transpired tonight. Steve was never getting out of this town. He could have entirely fucked that up for him.. 

Steve smiled back. Bashful but slowly growing in confidence, “You’ll see me around.” A coy comment. Steve clicked his tongue before jauntily walking backwards toward his station wagon.

It was almost flirtatious if Billy didn’t know better. It was somewhat amusing. He watched the preppy ex-jock drive away.

He stood in silence.

  


It’d be a shame if it didn’t happen again, but making a big deal out of it wouldn’t help anyone. 


	2. Partially Untrue Statements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult to have a one night stand in a small town. It's hard to have a relationship when you've only had one night stands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned on making Billy more volatile. I plan on everyone hating both of them at least sometime in this chapter, but I had a friend read it and she says i'm not as mean as i thought I was.
> 
> Switch Billy Hargrove. 3ways. Drama

…………………………………….

He expected Steve to be a one-time thing. An experiment.

He didn’t expect to see him at the pool, short navy trunks giving him thoughts he’d rather avoid. He didn’t expect Steve to talk to him. Casually, just asking what he was doing for the weekend. Asking how Max was.

Billy grumbling that “If she’s not my problem I don’t wanna hear about her,”

He supposed that was one thing about a small town; you couldn’t avoid people.

Forced talking led to picking Steve up from the mall parking lot later that week to drive down to the quarry. It was a good plan, nobody would notice Steve’s car among the others at the mall. If they noticed his car, they would assume him to be inside. Billy and Steve were not associated with each other. Both of their cars at the quarry would mean things. Everyone in Hawkins knew the spot was secluded. Billy was lucky that the two of them together would be more likely associated with a bloody fight but wanted to avoid the cops being called.

………………………………………………………………………

A small town was a wicked place. It was stifling. He was suffocating here. Everybody was in everybody’s business. There was no way out.

If he was from a different generation, ‘drop out, drop acid’ would have been an option; hitchhike back to California. Get picked up by some flower children in a hippie van, all misfits, artist, and drug addicts. He was pretty sure his mother had done that. He didn’t know where she was from originally, but she had always said she was reborn in California at the age of eighteen.

He kicked the dirt, brown Chelsea boots scuffed. Now eighteen himself, he hoped he wouldn’t be reborn in Hawkins. The mid 80’s didn’t allow him to hitchhike back. He was stuck here.

He worried his necklace between his fingers. St. Christopher, patron saint of travelers. It had been his mother’s. She was kind and beautiful. He rarely took it off.

He played with the medallion, wrapping the chain around his knuckles. His mother had given it to him right before she left. It had always been present around her neck.

He also wore it with the same consistency. It was always with him, a little part of her. Sometimes that idea worried him. It was in class with him, at the pool, at the gym. It stayed around his neck in the shower. He tried not to think of it’s presence when he was fucking.

Like any teenage rebellion he debated if faith was outdated, but the meaning it had to her stayed with him. To be superstitious, it was probably watching him even now, in his car by the quarry as he groped a boy he wasn’t sure if he called a friend.

He wished the fear of the supernatural was enough to keep him from doing these things, because guilt wasn’t. He didn’t know if he believed in God, but it still made him feel like garbage…. Steve’s hands on him felt good.

Steve had just asked about the necklace. Tried to touch it, while they were in the sack. While he was thinking about stroking Steve’s dick. That’s the last thing he wanted to think about right now. Billy slapped his hand away.

“I just asked what it was! God!” Steve shook himself off after Billy reflexively shoved him back into the passenger seat, breaking their embrace. Steve grimaced as he hit his head on the inside molding and was nursing the sore spot with careful fingers.

Billy was still staring him down. Carefully he tucked the sliver of gold under his shirt, head held high. Not embarrassed at all by his reaction, daring Steve to complain further.

“It’s my mom’s.” His voice croaked. He didn’t elaborate. He didn’t talk about his family. That wasn’t what this relationship was for.

Steve’s hard-on was quickly shrinking as his body realized there would likely be no more nice touches. “You like your mom?”

Billy shook his head before lighting up a cigarette. Steve noticed he fumbled with the lighter. “No,” A quick reply then a moment to inhale the calming nicotine. He put his feet on the dash, legs crossing the car into Steve’s territory. It could have been flirting if not for the situation and scuffed Chelsea boots. He took another long inhale, pacing his breath. Willing himself calm.

“It’s my real mom’s,” He opened the driver side door and flicked the end to the ground, watching the smoke rise, still laying down in the driver seat.

“You don’t live with your real mom?” Steve looked down. Billy glared at him, but Steve continued, “What happened to her?”

“Nothing bad. Just couldn’t deal with Neil anymore so she left,” He clicked the toes of his boots together, rubber soles reverberating dully. Their usual music had been switched off because “I want to hear you moan” seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it was just uncomfortable silence.

There was a lot of uncomfortable silence with Steve. Not a lot of common ground aside from attraction, neither had ventured to open themselves up to anything else.

“She left without you?” Steve’s question was naïve.

“Yeah….Duh. Without me.” Billy leaned against the door of his Camaro, overlooking the drop into the rocks. The quarry would be a wonderful place to jump if he ever decided to go for that. He wondered if there were any good suicide stories of it? Small towns were cruel when they wanted to be. There was probably an infamous story about someone who got what was coming to him.

“She was sweet though. Beautiful. Kind. She was just kind of bad at being a mother you know? Couldn’t deal with things and responsibility and whatever.” He said like he had an idea of what he was talking about. Really he was just parroting back a mixture of what the social worker and Neil had told him. He was thirteen when she left; he didn’t fuckin know. Neil had always been an asshole, it was easiest to blame him.

“Do you ever see her?” Steve wouldn’t stop.

Billy shook his head, “No,” Nonchalant, as if he couldn’t care. But said a little too forcefully.

“Does she want to see you?”

Billy thought about that. He thought about it for long enough for Steve to grow antsy. “I don’t know,” The words blurred together as he righted himself, snuffing out the cigarette under his boot. “I’m tired. Let’s go,”

Motley Crue thundered from the eight-track.

_ You better turn me loose _

_ You better set me free _

_ 'Cause I'm hot young running free _

_ A little bit better than I use to be _

He shut it off. He wasn’t a livewire right now.

Road noise. The silence was encroaching, he turned on Hawkin’s hicktown radio just to have something filling the space.

…………………………………….

Obviously he saw Steve again. There was no choice.

There was nobody else around when he was horny. It was fun, until a conversation started.

Steve seemed to like it too.

They barely waited a week.

Fucking over by the quarry was fun, but if they ran into another couple, he couldn’t give a knowing wink and carry on his business. After their ordeal with Hopper he’d tinted his windows; Popular places were popular for a reason. They needed to switch it up from time to time.

Billy scouted the motel at the edge of town. The walls were thin, but it didn’t matter. The blinds were drawn. Nobody would know. Hawkins rarely had visitors. …..He didn’t know if the concept of love hotel was common in Hawkins. The old woman smiled and waved him in, asking if he was ‘passing through’, he said ‘kinda’. She smiled motherly, clasping his hand with her portly fingers when handing him the key.

Billy had been spoiled with the cheap hotels of California. Steve seemed shocked at the idea initially.

“Too grown up for you, pretty boy?”

“I’m older than you…” Hesitant judging look, wanting to ask Billy why and how, but nervous about revealing the answer. Steve questioned how and where every time Billy told him things. They were attractive stories, but he didn’t know how real they were. They seemed too wild to be real.

Billy thought it was cute. Steve, who had been previously known as the Hawkins bad boy. The cool dude. The keg stand king. He laughed to himself the more situations he learned Steve was a newcomer to.

“Let me take you out sometime,” Billy breathed into his ear, “Lets run away.” It was all a charade. He didn’t know what to do with Steve other than fuck, but the redness on the brunettes cheeks was worth the temptation.

A small-town boy with small town ideas. The novice sex wasn’t great, but it was more than Billy was getting anywhere else. Steve was so nervous most of the time. Nervous, but needy. It was endearing.

Billy was sometimes the same, but he was better at hiding it.

………………………

He signed in with Neil’s name, instructing Steve to meet him hours later, parking far enough away that their car’s weren’t connected. The mall was closed at night, having Steve park and driving together would only draw attention.

The place was surprisingly clean. He didn’t see bedbugs yet. If they lost this place they’d probably just back to shagging in the woods. No real loss.

He waited for Steve to arrive. _ He would knock on the door, and Billy would check who it was. Steve would creak the door open and Billy would throw the older boy on the bed. _

There was no porn channel here. He had been really spoiled by one hotel in California. He remembered fucking a guy while they watching a film. He’d wanted Billy to repeat all the things the screen was saying. It was embarrassing, but the guy loved it. He’d loved Billy holding him down, hands on his throat, ravaging his body. Billy remembered the adrenaline, the power. The shame, the anger, …the raw want overcoming him. The man had ate it up. Billy _ loved _ it. To be wanted and desired and immoral….

He touched himself. His mind wandered past anticipatory fantasy. He wanted Steve to blow him in the back of the ice-cream parlor. Wearing his cute sailor uniform… The lesbian might keep lookout for her friend, though he had a feeling she didn’t fully approve of him. Billy hadn’t asked about using the uniform. He assumed Steve would disapprove.

Palmed his outline over his denim. The fabric’s restraint was wonderfully frustrating. His fingers drumming and stroking….. He squeezed hard, biting his lip. Fighting with Steve was fun, and they hadn’t done that in so long. He used to be offended, thinking that Steve didn’t value the challenge, but now that things had progressed…. Other activities were more rewarding.

Rapping at the door jerked him unceremoniously off the bed, heart pounding like when Neil barged in. He cupped himself, but his jeans were still in place.

He wrenched the door open, banging against the chain lock. He was met with a smiling face through the crack. Steve quickly waving before shoving hands in his back pockets. Billy unhooked the chain, hiding behind the door as Steve entered the small room. Nobody was watching, but you could never be too careful. He bolted the door behind Steve.

“You’re stuck here with me now, pretty boy, you ready?” His heart pounded; nerves. He was ready to eat him. Elated his invitation was fulfilled. He’d had far too much time to tempt his appetite…..

Steve exhaled a shaky chuckle. “I wish you’d stop calling me that,” He dropped his coat and sat on the bed.

“Why? From the moment I saw you, I wanted you,” Billy was on his lap and between his legs immediately.

It was amazing. Steve let all his clothes be removed. Steve’s touches were cautious. Billy remembered his own first time, fully exposed like this with a man. They hadn’t gotten fully naked in the car or the woods…. To be able to see him and have him in the way he’d wanted in the locker room….

He loved his lean frame. Licking and kissing what he had fought against touching in the showers. ….but oh, to fuck him in the school showers would have been heaven…. Glaring fluorescent lights, hard tile, soapy bodies…… The pressure to do it in fifteen minuets before getting caught…. He didn’t know if he actually dared, but had he known Steve to be receptive to his advances he would have been tempted….

Soft demanding lips on his were perfect to voice his fantasies into. Steve’s hands on his face silenced him. Tongue invaded his mouth, wriggling against him. His breath caught in his throat.

They hadn’t kissed like this before, with the intent on suffocating him. They had mainly appreciated each other’s bodies, found more directly pleasurable places their mouths could be… more specifically Billy’s mouth as he was the one orchestrating the show…. the encounters. He wished Steve would take the initiative, touch him more, but this was only their third encounter. He remembered still being nervous his third time, and Steve didn’t have anything in his system to help curb the anxieties.

Kissing was nice. Steve’s lips were soft, he came back to them intermittently from kissing the other’s neck and nipples. Steve laughed, cracking the first genuine smile Billy had seen from their encounters. Steve was on his back on the bed, he was just so open and vulnerable, so… beautiful if there wasn’t a less girly word to describe it. Just a quick taste, flat tongue against the delicate bud. Steve asked what he was doing when he gave into temptation.

“Your girlfriend doesn’t do this to you?” He was puzzled. Billy leaned on one hand, other hovering over Steve’s form.

Jovial smile, “No! I’m a guy. Why would she-!”

Billy shushed him with a love bite to the sensitive area. “If my girls don’t, I touch them myself. You never do that?” He talked around a mouthful of flesh as he circled a fingertip around his own pectoral for emphasis.

“No!” A lighthearted squawk protest at teeth sinking in. Steve shook him off and grabbed the lewd hand, pulling it back towards the bed. Billy happily brought their lips back together, swapping spit, breathing the same breath….

Suddenly Billy’s world shifted, rumpled sheets under his back and a hot mouth on him. He stared up at the stucco ceiling questioning the turn this was taking. 

“Steve?”

“You wanna know what I do with my girls, princess?” Was his reply. Adorable brunette hair framed Billy’s vision, slim athletic build. Dark eyes looking down at him.

He was probably supposed to fight that, but…Of course he’d be Steve’s girl. ‘_ Don’t be a sissy’ _ echoed in his head. Whatever, it felt nice.

Steve touched him tenderly while holding his wrists down one handed. He could have easily broke free, he was easily the stronger of the two…. Fingers behind his ear, touching his earring. He grinned, letting Steve know a boyfriend did it for him. “It’s my left ear though, so it means I’m straight.” He grinned as Steve’s hand faltered, “Left is right and right is wrong,” He blew a kiss.

‘I-I thought it was the opposite,” Steve’s voice wavered.

Billy shrugged, “It’s different coast to coast. I guess it doesn’t matter. This though,” He flipped the bird with his left hand, showing off the thick band of silver. “I’m pretty sure this is universal, it was pretty trendy around-“

“You need to shut up,” Steve placed a hand over Billy’s mouth. He wrapped his mouth around the offending the digit down to the ring, laving it. Billy’s eyes rolled back in his head.

“Why, you asked about my jewelry the other time,” Muffled, Steve felt a smirk against his fingers.

Steve kissed his wrist. His eyes fluttered shut again. “Show me what you do,”

Billy convinced Steve to go down on him, guiding his hand through the other’s hair down towards relief. He was straining, leaking precome. Billy had guided him down by the shoulders, bumping his erection against the other’s lips.

Steve was frozen, staring at the engorged organ. His nose flared as he breathed heavily. Billy petted him, he membered being scared his first time too. The ‘am I really doing this’ talk, the self-loathing of wanting to but knowing he shouldn’t, the fear of what it would actually be like; the unknown.

He tried dirty talking about how hot Steve would look blowing him; what it would do to him, how he could never go back. Steve continued to stay dumbfounded and silent until Billy switched the focus to “I’m gonna be at your total control. You’ll get me to agree to anything if my dick’s in your mouth,” It wasn’t a lie.

Steve carefully licked the shaft, placing the tip in his mouth sucking. Teeth were sharp. He gagged when Billy started to thrust. Billy coaxed him to do it again, that it would get better. The man on his knees was quivering but tried again. After a few minutes of what was best described as clumsy slobbering Steve complained his jaw was sore. It was pretty pathetic but amusing. In-between his frustration Billy cracked a smile. It wasn’t that much worse than Billy’s first time. He’d personally taken it too fast too deep and had thrown up….lucky for him, his date found that amusing. He stroked Steve’s cheek and told him he’d get the hang of it. …The jock on his knees was unsettled….if not an understatement, he had a look of horror at the assumption.

Steve gargled his mouth out before returning to the bed.

They finished with Billy on all fours, hands wrapped in the comforter as their bodies crashed together. Steve seemed more familiar with this position; his hands on Billy’s hips and shoulder blades. In his hair… Moans of pleasure. He pulled out before coming spurts of hot slick on his partner’s back, thrusting against muscle those few last moments. Billy had came much earlier, stroking himself, telling Steve how pretty he was, despite not being able to see him.

Afterwards the shower was washing the evidence of their union down the drain. It was a tight fit for two adult males. This shower was not designed for that purpose, but Billy complained about needing help clean up his mess of drying come on his lower back.

They both assumed this would be round two. Steve staggered at the invitation. Billy laughed it off, “Men fuck a lot,”

In the shower he bracketed his arms around Steve. Rubbing himself close, erection rejuvenating in the time they’d spent lounging in bed. “I’ve always wanted to take you,”

He felt Steve’s body grow rigid at his presence. Billy kissed his shoulder. “It would be great, feeling you around me.” He sucked on Steve’s neck more harshly. “You have such a hot body,” Energy was prickling the air. Bill reached his hand around to soap Steve’s chest. His own erection jumped at the contact. “I wish I could have fucked you in the locker room when we were at school,” He twisted Steve’s nipple, earning him a tensed jaw. “You moaned so sweet around my cock. Have King Steve I know, right under their noses.”

Steve shook his head. “I hope you’re dreaming, cuz that’s not going to happen,”

“I know,” Breathless. Hot. “It could happen here though,” He soaped his partner’s balls, sliding his hand back to his taint…. Not pressing, just teasing. He thought Steve might have stopped breathing.

He sucked on Steve’s neck, “I want to be your first time. It’s been an honor so far…being your only man,” He slipped his fingers farther, still playing, not making a direct move yet. He kissed the muscles of Steves back, slowly trailing down, down… “Bet you never thought you’d ever suck a real cock,”

Steve had braced himself against the wall. He was trembling.

“Imagine being impaled on my cock,” Billy rubbed himself in Steve’s thighs, up his crease-

“Shut up, faggot!” Steve jerked away, whirling catching the blonde with his elbow. Billy slipped, bracing against the acrylic bar of the towel rack.

“What the hell!” He recoiled. “You like hearing about all the things I’ve done!”

“You can be the bitch! I’m not!” Steve hurriedly grabbed a towel.

“What?” Billy punched him on reflex. _ Don’t ignore me fucker. _ “I- ….I’m not the bitch here,”

“Don’t fuckin blame me for what you like,” Steve was wrapping a towel around himself. “I’m not doing that shit. I’m not like you,”

Billy licked his lips and tried not to laugh, “Get out.”

Steve stopped and stared at him, obviously just challenging the order.

“I SAID. GET OUT,” He tried not to roar, but if he didn’t yell now it would escalate. Fistfights were more fun before they were fucking. “Get out before I throw you out and you have no clothes to walk back to your fucking car with!”

“You temperamental piece of shit.” Steve was grabbing his clothes, knowing the threat was real.

“I’m temperamental!? Billy shook his head. “We were having a good time and you deck me outta nowhere? Not cool man!”

“You think I wanted to go down on your nasty dick?” scoffing.

“I don’t know, yes? Don’t’ be so fucking uptight then!”

“I’m not uptight!”

“Do you even find me attractive?” Billy needed to know.

“No,” Steve shook his head, righting his jacket. “I have no idea what came over me. I’m done now. Bye,”

The door slammed and Billy was left to sit naked on the bed. Hair still damp from the shower…. He threw his boots at the wall, satisfied at the sharp sound of collision.

The owner had asked him to ‘please not smoke in the room’. He was tempted, but she had been a nice lady, it was probably best to stay on her good side if he was to use this place again. …it’s not like there was anywhere else. He flopped down on the bed wondering what he did wrong. He was used to just being used for a fuck. Still, he was fuming.

He stewed in his own thoughts.

He contemplated what the sixty some old woman would do if she knew her livelihood was used for casual gay sex. Would her husband chase him out? Would she shut it down? Would she hang crosses in the room to exorcise away his presence?

He could still tell everyone about Steve. Though, he didn’t know if it’d be written off as sabotage by the crazy new boy. 

Being crazy had it’s pro’s and cons. Maybe if he wasn’t so loud, wasn’t so violent, wasn’t such an outsider he could spin the story to side with him. He could play those cards, he knew how to fit in and not make waves, it was just exhausting. He liked his ‘happy halfway’ lifestyle, just hiding the bit that would get him really ostracized, but crazy enough nobody fucked with him.

There were maybe other people in Hawkins to hook up with. Probably some skuzzy old man who would make his stomach turn….or pimply teenager he’d never noticed before. Not worth it. He wished again that he didn’t have these _ urges. _ He was frustrated. There was too many things.

………………….

He called Karen from the hotel. She coddled him. She held him to her chest as he sobbed. She was empathetic even if he didn’t tell her what was wrong.

She was such a good woman. He didn’t want to let her down, her husband let her down enough. At least she knew they weren’t in love.

She stroked his hair and kissed his face. He was sure she smelled Steve’s aftershave on him; the scent of another man. He was always paranoid, despite never being caught. Karen was more observant than others….

She had noticed when he used her lilac shampoo once. _ He came out of her master bath, towel around his waist. He was ready to slip his clothes on and kiss her goodbye when a her hand on his chest stopped him. He stood in room, captivated by her presence. Her face was in his neck, fingernails tickling his scalp. She admired the water dripping off his curls. _

_ “You smell like me,” She informed him. _

_ “Yea,” He nodded. _

_ “You know, Ted had shampoo in there too.” She flirted with doing this right under her husband’s nose. _

_ “Yours was much nicer,” It wasn’t a lie. His hair was much softer. _

….he liked smelling like his lover. It was not quite tangible but it was still a reminder, even if it faded after a few hours.

……………………………………………………………………..

He was bitter, but he saw Steve again. Around the mall shops. Around with Max’s friends.

They talked. Billy butted himself into the conversation, he tried not to spit at Lucas who hid behind the tall skinny brunette kid….Karen’s kid. Dustin recoiled, wide-eyed at the intruder.

“Come, talk with me,” Billy looped a hand around his shoulder, leading him away from the group. Max broke away and followed them, grabbing on to Billy’s jacket, “Don’t-“ She protested, he cut her off.

“Lay off gremlin, I ain’t gonna hurt him,”

Steve waved a hand at her. She gave him a pleading look before conceding. Billy hated that look, it told him what a broken deranged ‘brother’ he was.

He pulled Steve into the corner behind a plant. Not obvious, but not exactly hidden. Still public.

Steve hissed at him. “I’m straight. I’m not like you,” Hands in pockets, he avoided eye contact.

“I’m sure you are,” A sneer, he braced himself against the wall, looming over the other. Steve sidestepped him.

“I’ve had enough,” He was visibly uncomfortable and Billy reveled in it.

“I’m still horny,”

“Don’t say that in public,” Steve would need to push past Billy to get out. Too close. He didn’t want to be that close, so he stood there.

“You said you’d treat me like your girl, you don’t punch your hookup, do you?” The brunette looked guilty at that, so Billy press further. “You owe me an apology,”

A rushed response. “I’m sorry,” Steve chewed his tongue, “Can I go now?”

He thought about it, biting his lip, crossing his arms. “Yes, you can go now,”

He gave Steve’s ass a playful swat as he left. “Thinking about you pretty boy,” Billy hated to admit that getting punched felt normal. It was refreshing. Made him feel secure that Steve was honest in that way.

…..Steve had such a nice ass.

…………………………….

Billy broke up with his girlfriend. Dumb bitch, it felt like being on a leash. She was exhausting. He didn’t need a girl. He was manly enough. No one would suspect him.

His filled his time with more weight training. Four days a week now. The clubs would have loved him. Developing a body with the virility of youth, an ideal beautiful, broad, strong, masculine... He had started this hobby in high school with Nate, just as a casual thing to one-up each other with bench-press. Billy had never been the fastest athlete, but muscle and coordination got him relatively far; he was powerful. He enjoyed that power.

Steve might not be attracted to him, but Karen loved his body. She was fascinated with him. She boasted that he was ‘a woman’s dream’.

He was aware beauty didn’t offset his shitty personality…. Though beauty _ and _ good sex did, especially in the short term. He felt cheap. Powerful, but cheap. Some fuckin knockoff bodice-ripper novel Adonis.

Nate was beginning to get out of weight training by the time Billy moved away. He’d found a drumkit at a secondhand store and jokingly said that was his full body workout. Billy was jealous.

………………………….

A week after the mall incident, Billy called Steve’s house. They hadn’t talked but …It’s not like they talked much anyways. He tried, he did.

“How did you get my number?” Demanding, pissed off. Billy could imagine how cute he looked.

“The phonebook, dumbass. Also your lesbian gave me a copy,” _ I’m not a stalker, I swear…she gave it to me a while ago. _

“Can you stop calling her my lesbian? Her name’s Robin.”

“Yeah, so? You know who I’m talking about,” he twirled the phone cord in his fingers.

“You’re not going to do anything dumb are you,” Exhaustion in his voice. Billy had inkling that there was temptation to hang up the phone.

“Obviously I’m going to sex you on your home phone where your mom can pick up.”

Silence.

“I think I forgive you,” Billy murmured. _ I think I’m supposed to be the one to say that? I don’t know, is it supposed to be the other way around? _

Karen had told him to make the call. To ‘talk about’ what was bothering him.

He could hear Steve’s lips smack, finding something to say. Billy was just glad he stayed on the line.

Neil picked up the phone. “Who is this Billy?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. Steve swallowed on the other line. Billy tried to calm his rapidly increasing heartbeat. Neil wasn’t supposed to be home yet. There was two phones, one in the kitchen. He probably just came home, and meant to make a call to the hardware store or something. Billy’s car was home, so obviously….

“Just a friend, Dad, You don’t need to check on me,” Jovial, fake. Forced. Damage control. Too forced maybe? Would this get him hit? No, there was somebody else on the phone. Neil would behave. Maybe his phone would be taken out of his room though,… the phone he’d bought with his own money.

“Have I met this friend? I didn’t know you had friends,”

“You know I have friends, you’ve met Tommy. This is Steve,”

Steve hadn’t said anything.

The phone conversation ended quickly. Billy making shit up about “Having the new album” and “we’ll meet on Thursday?”

Steve agreed before hanging up.

Neil commanded attention when Billy emerged into the kitchen. He knew his father would want to see him. Let the interrogation begin.

“Steve who?”

“Steve Harrington,”

“How do you know him?”

“He babysits Max’s friends,”

“That's fuckin queer”

“Yeah I know,"

“No straight man’s a babysitter,”

“That’s why I’m along,” Billy quipped, “I'm keeping track of him. You’ll kick my ass if he does anything to Max, so I’m watching him.” …why was his motivation always not getting his ass kicked. He was better than this.

Neil seemed suspicious, “You hate kids,” 

………………………………………………………………..

Of course they weren’t hanging out with the kids. Max’s eyes on them in the food court told Billy she already knew enough. He didn’t need her tattling again. He hadn’t threatened her about it, threating would just be more confirmation.

Tonight they stashed Steve’s car by the iron works mill and drove together. He knows he warned about showing up as a pair, but the manager seeing him with Karen a week ago gave him new confidence.

The hotel wasn’t far but Steve had attempted to blow him on the way. ….Steve was getting better at it.

“I’m glad you didn’t stay away,” He was elated, not just from the mouth on his cock.

The car was better in the sense that Steve was enthusiastic. Side-eyeing him, blowing kisses, his hair ruffled in the wind from the partially open window before reaching over to unzip Billy’s fly. It was still sloppy, but having a man reach over an unzip him while he flew down the road had been on his bucket list. He petted the man as adrenaline washed over him. The brunette choked from the road noise, eventually pulling off and settling for a hand job that didn’t let him come. Billy stretched and strained in his seat regardless.

He hates to admit one of his favorite things about these hookups with Steve is getting to mess up his stupid perfect hair.

It was difficult to get to the hotel.

Steve rarely touched him like he had in the car. Mostly is was Billy pestering. It made him feel like Steve missed him.

They flopped down on the squeaky bed. His hands were tangled in the thin jersey Steve’s shirt. The fabric flexed around his fingers. He was tempted to tear it; listen to Steve squawk. Forcing him to go home in Billy’s shirt grew a wave of possessiveness in his chest. But everyone would know. Billy tight shirts would be far too big on the older boy….maybe. Steve didn’t wear his shirts nearly as snug….maybe it wouldn’t be obvious. The idea was tempting.

Steve’s lips were lax and needy. The previous alpha male of Hawkins was so girly, mewling and gentle. Even at his roughest, Steve not comparable to any of the men at the bars.

A sweet, kind boy next door. A good boy. Probably why he was so much fun to corrupt. Give him devilish wants and desires.

He teased “King Steve’ about his ‘manly’ noises.

Opposites attract but also destroy each other. 

“Alright, Princess,” Steve smirks with an eyeroll.

Billy allows himself to be pinned to the bed. Steve is athletic and strong in his own way, but not bulky. Steve straddles his hips. In a fight this isn’t a feminine position, but right now Billy can’t help but roll his hips.

The other’s recoil let Billy know he wasn’t thinking of _ that. _…but yeah, this was their position the first time Billy rode his cock…

The blonde sucked his teeth, “I’m always unimpressed with ‘King Steve. You don’t know what you’re getting into do you?” He held Steve’s hips still, ground denim on denim, roughly grabbing his buttock.

Shaken brown eyes, unsure if what he felt was pleasure or fear.

“You sure you don’t want to be the princess?” Temptation. Steve would never say what he wanted, only what he didn’t want.

“Only if I get to call you it next time I fuck you,” _ Deal. _

“You can call me whatever you want,” Billy guided him down to the bed, shedding their shirts, wriggling out of his own jeans.

Karen had told him to slow it down. He hadn’t thought to with any other male partner. They’d just got off as quickly as possible and left. Hard, rough. It was great and fun, but doing one thing was never Billy’s style.

He’d gotten this idea from the small bottle of massage oil Karen gave him for his pocket. He watched the floral scented liquid drip over his hand onto the man beneath him.

Steve was naked. Visible pecs, slight abs. Maybe only skinny compared to Billy.

Touching was nice. He could be rough later.

Object of his desire was on the gaudy striped bedspread. How had he got so lucky? He hadn’t pursued someone as much as this before. Steve’s palm was on his chest. He felt stubble. “You shave?” ..of course, everything about him was manicured… fake, but that was fine.

“Yeah, you think I’m beautiful?” He should stop asking those kind of questions, Steve wouldn’t answer. Steve had already answered. If someone would dare be honest and say the insulting truth of ‘I don’t like you, but I like what you’re offering’ …like Billy’s thoughts on the drummer from the concert that one time. Also, Steve wouldn’t want to hear how Billy found him attractive. It was mutual respect in a way.

This was the slowest he’d ever done it. Just touching his partner. Slow. Sliding his hand over his frame.

Oily hand between Steve’s thighs, playing with him. He had pulled a pillow under Steve’s hips….his _ friend’s _ hips. Could he use that word now? That’s how he’d described Steve on the phone….this wasn’t the time to be discussing that. He let his fingers stroke his sack, and between his cheeks…

“Hey! W-wa-wait! What are you doing?!”

“I’m fucking you,”

“No, you’re not,” Edge in Steve’s voice enough to cut, but Billy was never afraid of danger. He brushed it off.

“Not how you think, hold your legs together,” He knew the response he was gonna get.

“What?” disbelief, ready to call bullshit.

“It hurts less, and it feels just as good,”

“What are you-“

“Chill, it’ll be okay. Relax,” …don’t really relax, but for right now. _ Don’t hyperventilate on me. Don’t punch me and kill my boner….. though if you grab me and fuck me in a rage that might get me hot…. _

He took his hand away, rubbing the excess oil between Steve’s thighs.

“Hold yourself like that,” Billy placed Steve’s knees together. Kissing his shoulder, rubbing against Steve’s ass…

Carefully he slid his cock between but farther down…thanking everything for gym class. 

Gasping was the response he got to shallow thrust between Steve’s legs.

….Billy could eat that sound. It made his mouth water.

“Wh-where?”

“It feels good doesn’t it? I wasn’t gonna make you a sodomite if you didn’t want.” He ground his hips into the other’s plush ass. A mockery of sex, but still good. “You can touch yourself, ya know, it’ll make you feel even better,” …..All of this between them was probably a mockery of sex, but he didn’t care.

Steve wasn’t complaining.

Billy wondered how much his sheltered universe would be opened up by this experience.

“You’ve never felt anything like that before, have you?” The answer was obvious.

Their bodies crashed together. Raw lust in his nose. Lizard brain telling him this was good, oh so good. Steve’s high pitched whines were comparable to Billy’s when Billy wanted to put on a show. He tried not to make his own male sounds of lust, lest Steve call it all off.

Boundless pleasure.

“Slow down. Too much,” Gasping. Trembling. Signs that it was perfect. He went faster.

Steve came thick and hot against the pillows before collapsing.

Billy pulled him in for sloppy kisses before finishing himself in his hand. Fucking a passed out Steve would surely get him in trouble some way.

He grunted his own completion, feeling the warmth splatter on his chest.

The silence was broken with a groan,

“Le-let’s not do that next time,” Sputtering.

“Why?”

“Too much.”

“That’s good though,”

“If you’re softer, maybe,”

“You’ll get used to it,”

He hated what he was feeling; warmth and calm, but spiked with unease. The wrongness of it. It was like being in bed with the enemy.

Asking if Steve was feeling the same would definitely have been a sissy move.

Steve murmured into his neck, sheet tangled around their hips.

“You’re messy and gross,” Billy muttered to him. He was irritated, he needed to leave. …but the way Steve clung to him kept him in bed.

……………………………………………………….

“Talk to me,” Karen said.

Her master bedroom was so big. It was as big as the living room in his house….

She sat demure on the bed, knees together, feet pointed daintily. Her silk housecoat slipping just enough to be a tease, but not enough to be intentionally erotic. This meeting today was not for sex…that was new. The ever present flirting was still prevalent.

Karen knew. He didn’t know how long she’d known. Maybe there were hickeys he didn’t see. She knew all the town gossip, Billy didn’t have a girlfriend at the moment. ….his lifeguard uniform didn’t cover much… Maybe it was Steve’s scent mixing with his own…. Could it be traced back to Steve?

What would she think knowing he was banging her daughter’s ex-boyfriend? The dread coiled in his stomach, not grounded in reality. What _ could _she do? Trepidation winding his guts tighter and tighter.

What did he do to out himself? It was the magazine wasn’t it…. Or as a cheater herself, she knew the signs of worrisome omission. He wanted to know what tipped her off; he would be sure to never do that again. He knew some of Neil’s warnings, but not all of them. Billy didn’t remember a time when he wasn’t called ‘sissy’ and ‘faggot’, ‘girly’ and ‘weak’. ….maybe she knew the signs he was putting out; the ring and the earring. …hell, the earring itself was enough to get looks in this small town.

He had thought it would be fun to get caught, but not like this. The fantasy of telling the town to go fuck itself was opposite the reality…

“You have something to tell me,” Pointed. Not quite an accusation but he knew how this went with Neil. Wine was on the nightstand. Two crystal glasses. She poured one. “I don’t mind how you get your kicks as long as I get mine.” She offered it to him.

“What kicks?” He didn’t take the glass.

She laughed, she wasn’t looking at Billy, “Obviously you’re gay…”

“You knew?” he could have denied it, said he was bisexual or something. Or ‘you have it all wrong.’

“How could you?” She shook her head. “Why did you entertain me? You know what it does to a woman’s ego?“

No, he didn’t. He knew she thought of him as not quite real, at least at first. Just a beautiful man who showed up at her door to sweep her off her feet until he started talking. He always messed everything up by talking. “I do really like you Karen… Ms. Wheeler.” He was unsure the title to use in the situation; familiarity or status. Saying both together was too cheesy. Dramatic, like a movie ‘Mrs. Karen Wheeler’…. He had said that in the bedroom before, right before ripping her panties off. You were allowed to say cheesy things during sex.

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I don’t know,” He tried inching back towards the door.

“Stay,” She told him. It felt like a threat, but he didn’t know if it was supposed to.

“I liked it?” Apology, justification. Something.

She snorted. Disgust.

“I did, really.” He buried his hands in his pockets. His heart ached. He’d let her down. He wanted to stomp out the door.

“Why did you choose me?” She had taken to drinking the glass of wine on her own.

He shrugged.

Acrylic fingernail chastised him. “You’re disgusting you know that? Playing with a woman’s feelings,”

He was cornered, he tightened his grip on the doorframe. He had no answer, but he didn’t think she wanted one.

“I can’t believe that you- you… Why-”

“You’re the one cheating on your husband!” He roared, storming forward.

He didn’t touch her. He knew better than that, but he wanted to. “You lead me on! If you don’t want to know, don’t bring it up!” He realized his fist was in the air. He was _ not _ going to hit her. “I told you I liked you! So ignore it!”

He slammed the door on his way out.

………………………………………………………………..

“I saw your car by the Wheeler’s house yesterday. What’s that about?”

They were driving to the quarry for the usual reason. This time in Steve’s car, despite how sinfully ugly it was. Nobody would see them in it anyways.

Billy was surprised it took Steve that long. He cracked a smile, trying to ignore the pit in this stomach from thinking about yesterday. “You know Karen” has a thing for me,” He was fronting, like always.

“Yeah, everyone knows,” Steve’s eyes glanced at him before returning to the road. This was old news. “I hate to tell you, but most of the old moms have a thing for you,”

“I know,” He shimmied down in his seat, unbuttoning another button of his shirt, urging Steve to look over at him.

“Why were you at the Wheeler house?” _ Answer the question Billy _. Neil’s voice rang in his head, interrupting his play with Steve.

“I fucked her obviously,” _ Well, not that time, but other times. _

“You what?” Words quick, slightly higher pitched than normal. Steve wrinkled his nose.

Billy kept playing. Grinning, licking his lips, “Yeah, we meet once a week. She sees me at the pool,”

Steve’s face had only grown more repulsed, “You joking?”

Billy stuck out his tongue, flicking and flattening it, “You think I am?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking,” Steve had been glancing at him more intermittently than the road.

“I am,” Billy straightened his open shirt with a tug from both hands.

“She’s married.” Steve’s voice was flat.

“Duh, her husband’s boring,” He rolled his eyes crossing his arms.

Steve repeated his previous statement.

“So? I’ve fucked married men before too. You wanna hear about that?”

“No,” He gave one last pleading glance to Billy before settling on the road, determined to not look at him.

“I don’t see an issue with it,”

Steve grimaced, jaw set firm.

“It’s not like you don’t have a girlfriend on the side.”

“Robin?!” Steve shook his head in disgust, “She’s a _ lesbian _!”

“You think she’s cute though. You’d be hittin that if she let ya,”

Steve swallowed and shrugged. That wasn’t wrong, but... “You are literally sleeping with Nancy’s mom,”

“What? You don’t mind railing my ass, but aged pussy is too much for you?”

“It’s gross,” He could tell Steve didn’t want to say it.

“What’s wrong with me having a side chick? You knew about the girls our age. What’s the difference? They know what they’re supposed to be doing,”

“I can’t believe I need to repeat this.”

“I like her and she likes me! Is that what you’re jealous of?”

“I’m not jealous!” his hands thumped against the steering wheel, “Are you sure she like’s you? You’re probably just stress relief,”

“Yes, of course she likes me,”_ Yes, I know what I’m getting from her. Unlike, you and me, where I have no fucking clue. _

“She has a husband, Billy. Do you want to be dragged through town? Because you’re going to be. This isn’t like cheating with a high schooler who gets mad at everything. She’s an adult.”

“She won’t say anything. She likes me!”

“Why? Why would she like you? You’re just a fuck. If this gets out, she has no allegiance to you,”

The concept dawns on Billy. Honestly it’d been bothering him for a few weeks now, but he hadn’t be able to put a finger on it. “….You don’t like me.”

Steve doesn’t answer. Steve is not quick to respond with a refutation of ‘_ Yes I do’. _

“She’ll flirt with me in public, Steve. She’ll have me over to her house,”

“That’s because she knows it’s not serious! And she owns a fuckin house! I don’t own a house. What do you think’ll happen if I take you home? Hey, mom dad, this is Billy. I know he’s got a reputation, but we bone sometimes, so if you see the door shut, just leave us alone.”

“That’s not what I want!”

“Then what do you want?!” Steve screamed.

“Lay off! I’m just having a bit of fun,” He would have broken Steve’s nose already if it wasn’t for being in the car.

“She’s Nancy’s mom, she’s married, she’s twice your age, and she doesn’t like you. What the fuck is going through your head?”

“It’s no more risk then fuckin you. And we keep doing that,”

Steve clicked his tongue, “Ya know, you’re probably right.”

“Ya want me to suck your dick? Get your mind off your troubles?”

“You’re fucking crazy. Get out, walk home. We’re not doing this today,”

It was an obnoxiously long walk to the nearest phone. He was glad he made mild friends with Tommy H from school so he could pick him up. Making an excuse of ‘Some crazy bitch kicked me out.” Tommy laughed and clapped him on the shoulder telling him he was “such a player.”

Billy rolled his eyes. He knew Tommy was jealous and wanted to escape his own monotonous monogamy.

……………………………….

At the mall, he’d seen a poster in the record store for upcoming shows ‘in the area’….’in the area’ meaning within 4hours travel time, but it still couldn’t hurt to look…. In the corner he recognized the obscure logo of that D-list band he’d met with Nick. …the one with the drummer, the girl and the three way.

The man had asked him if he wanted to do it again….

He was lucky he never cleaned his wallet out. The crumpled piece of paper with the number for the bag phone in their tour van was still there.

He wondered if they would remember who he was.

He called from a payphone, it was better than having Neil pick up again.

“…Me, you and your girlfriend,” He continued.

“You’re the hot blonde!” Disbelief and enthusiasm that could only be adrenaline, ADHD, or some kind of illegal substance; maybe all.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s me. I had the really eager guy friend who wouldn’t stop talking to you. We had a bunch of other guys too,” …..He could be any hot blonde. That didn’t really narrow it down.

“YEAHH! Are you taking him this time?”

“No, I live across the country. I’ve got someone different though, someone who might be up for some special events,”

The conversation continued. The boy was way too trusting. He gave Billy the hotel name….Billy was surprised he even knew the hotel name, but groupie parties might be organized in advance. Billy didn’t know.

The trip was in only a few days.

………………………………………………………………….

A week has passed since he last saw Steve, maybe he’d calmed down. Even if Steve didn’t like him, he was the best he had around. He called Robin. She convinced Steve to talk to him. If he was better at talking he should make friends with Robin, but girls didn’t seem to be as easily impressed as guys….especially lesbians, he couldn’t even reel her in on his looks.

He needed to thank her though.

Steve agreed to go.

This was technically their first date, wasn’t it? Him and Steve’s. Maybe. This was the first time they’d planned to spend more time not fucking than doing so. But the whole trip was just to hook up with the drummer. _ Adam. _ Billy reminded himself. Names are important if you see them again. They didn’t get free tickets or backstage passes, but a hotel room number was given.

Steve had been told the likely outcome and given a shaky answer. “Uh, yes. Maybe. Sure,” He was a teenage boy after all. Most things were good as long as you got your dick wet.

Billy remembered when he was that new unsure. Unsure didn’t mean uninterested. …Though he himself hadn’t done something quite like this.

…………………………………………………………..

On his way out of town, before picking up Steve, he saw Karen at the corner store. She talked with him in the parking lot.

“Who is he by the way? Your man,”

This was a horrible place to talk.

Billy shrugged. He’d bought condoms as well as snacks, and she saw the booze in his trunk. There was only one thing he was doing this weekend.

“Is he your age?”

Billy nodded. He didn’t know what else to do.

“He would be wouldn’t he?” Billy was never good at reading people, but thought it sounded sorrowful. He wondered if Karen believed she’d missed her chance, was pursuing goals out of reach. He imagined himself similarly.

“You haven’t told anyone?” He wanted this conversation to be over, but he wanted to know why. He expected to be dragged as soon as she knew.

“You haven’t told my husband, I won’t say anything,” …somehow it wasn’t said with malice. “Do you want to invite him over sometime?” Downward smile but hopeful, “You seem-“

“I don’t want a three-way.” -lies. He didn’t want a three way _ with her _ . But he _ liked _ her. His sharp tongue would make her be quiet.

She wasn’t scared of him, “That’s not why I’m inviting him. You cover for me, I’ll cover for you,” It reminded him he was a teenage boy. Technically an adult.

“I’m not fucking him at your place. I’m too old to be having playdates at a friends house,”

He drove away, trying not to think of the interaction while picking up Steve.

Max also seemed to notice Steve and her brother together even though they weren’t _ friends. _

This would all be easier a few towns away.

………………………….

The car ride was uncomfortable. Three hours was too long for any hand job. Steve had never taken interest in his collection of eight tracks and tapes. He slept most of the trip….or pretended to sleep to avoid making conversation.

Perhaps this was too big for a ‘first date’.

Hell, Steve probably wouldn’t even like it. ….but he’d agreed to go, so that was a good thing wasn’t it? “Get out of the town for a bit. See what’s out there,” Is how Billy had framed it_ …. I guess how would he have said no. _

………………………..

He guided Steve to the venue by the waist. Nearly shoved him through the door.

He brushed off his fake ID and…. Shit. He didn’t think to ask if Steve had one.

“What the fuck country boy? I thought you knew how this worked,” He hissed after Steve’s honest hands had been marked with ‘X’s. At least Steve didn’t out him for lying about his own age.

It was an average smaller setup: a bar holding a couple hundred people. It was packed.

The band was still just an opener, but he paid attention to them now. He honestly wouldn’t have remembered them if it wasn’t for Nate. He should call Nate… He’d never really been one to talk on the phone though. Only to make plans for meeting up… California was so far away.

The show was good, but he wouldn’t have been there is it wasn’t for the prospect of something _ after. _ The hotel. The party. The _ extracurriculars. _

He realized Steve has never been to a rock show. He said it was loud, and it smelled….and all of these things were true, but that’s why Billy loved it. Steve was at best unimpressed, at worst disgusted. Potentially scandalized by not his typical form of freaks and weirdos.

Steve didn’t fit in here. But Billy should have known that being that Duran Duran was the only tape in his car.

They really had nothing in common aside from sex, did they? This was not the place to hold Steve’s hip like a girls, but it was packed enough that standing close didn’t provoke suspicion.

He’d lent Steve some of his clothes so he’d blend in better. He felt connected and possessive enough over that.

……………………………………………..

……….

After the show he met the drummer at the bar.

The drummer had taken to wearing garish blue lipstick. _ Adam. _ Billy kept telling himself. He’d strayed even farther from Billy’s taste. Too much makeup and spandex. He was so fake. If only he’d actually get his nose fixed. 

“You look tacky,” It was a playful jostle, wasn’t exactly insulting his host, ….honestly. Steve stayed hidden behind him.

Adam bought Billy a drink.

There were…several… people here. No one really talked to the drummer of a D-list band, though Adam seemed willing to talk to everyone.

Billy drove the three of them back to the hotel. The guitarist had been watching, piercing green eyes. The guitarist was cute, despite seeming far too straight laced for this kind of thing. …or just too _ straight _. Trepidation and dread as he watched his friend leave, yet again, with unknown men.

Adam had booked a separate room. Not a luxurious suite. A bit bigger than standard. Steve seemed unimpressed, and Billy wanted to know if this is the type of room middleclass normally stayed in.

He’d asked if Billy could take both him and Steve at once. Steve had barely said anything the whole time. Billy blushed at the idea, but declined. “Give me more warning. Get me high enough so I can’t feel it, and you’ve got a deal,” ….He had no plans to see Adam again. But maybe… if the stars aligned.

Having two cocks in his mouth at once was something he was willing to try today. Steve was fine with it until Adam tried to kiss him. He jumped backward like he was touching fire. Too much too fast. Billy sucked both of them, before Adam shed his clothes, pulling Billy into exactly the position he wanted him.

Adam felt great on his dick, withering against the bed. Facing him. Kissing him. Hands around his shoulders. He was a mess.

Billy found the blue kiss marks of Adam’s lipstick amusing. Steve’s hesitance to be touched even more so.

Steve barely undressed, but Billy could get into that.

Steve touched him, but away from where the other man was.

“You’re a slut,” Steve growled against his hair.

“Yeah,” He groaned hopefully, “What are you gonna do about it?”

He pulled Steve against his ass, demanding ‘touch me”. He chastised Steve for being so shy. “I take you all the way here, and now you chicken out on me?”

They all passed out on the bed, Adam’s long limbs still tangled around Billy. Billy didn’t notice until the morning that Steve removed himself from the pile to slept on the couch. He had been curled around Adam so tightly.

He awoke to the sound of hammering at the door. The band’s manager. They’re packing up, moving out.

Clothes were hastily thrown on. He was given one more kiss on the cheek before Adam grabbed his duffle bag and left. The blue lipstick was all but gone from his mouth. His dark eye makeup was smudged down his face.

They were alone in the hotel room.

Billy looked from the bed to the couch. Steve is contorted sloppily, limbs hanging over the edge. He decided to throw a pillow at him.

Steve snorts and mutters for him to go kill himself. …It’s morning and he’s grouchy. Billy makes coffee in the pot provided, offering a cup as a peace offering. It was accepted, but sugar was requested. He dropped a handful of packets on to Steve, sitting on his lap. The mug was sat on the end table. Steve’s finger’s traced Billy’s skin….still naked from the night before. Steve had stripped down to his boxers and undershirt for sleeping.

“Did you like it?” Referencing the sex, Steve had already told him what he thought of the concert.

Steve shrugged. “I don’t know what to do with guys.”

“Uh, yeah. That’s why I brought you.” He ruffled Steve’s hair. His shaggy dark hair. He really had a thing for brunettes. “Would you have liked it if it was a girl?”

Steve shook his hand away. Billy hated himself for being so touchy, he was always getting too close. “Yeah, maybe. A year or so ago. I’m not this King Steve you want me to be, not anymore.”

“I don’t care,” _ I don’t care who you are, I just feel less alone when you’re around. Just that there’s somebody kind of like me. _ “What are you like now then?” He kissed Steve’s forehead, pushing the coffee back towards him.

“I’m figuring that out,”

He allowed Billy to kiss him on the lips. _Just for good morning._ _‘You don’t kiss me enough,’_ Billy needed to say that soon.

It seemed like everything was going well.

They talked. They lay on the bed. Steve told him he’d never had _ thoughts like that _ until Billy arrived. It hadn’t occurred to him until he realized Billy was flirting with him.

Billy couldn’t help but laugh, “Really? No celebrities or anything?”

Steve shook his head, “No men anyways,”

He was flattered, but couldn’t shake feeling like an exotic experience…something to try because it was there. …He’d been guilty of doing the same on other occasions. It’s the weirdest thing he’s ever heard and he so jealous he can’t stand it. Billy watches him, rolling over on the bed. He’s put his underwear back on.

“You’ve always been like this?” Steve asks him, sitting against the headboard.

“Yeah,” He wishes he wasn’t.

“When did you start….” The question hung in the air. _ When did you start fucking other guys _…

“First opportunity. You think I’m not going to get what I want? I make my own decisions. What made you….Decide I was ok?”

“I always thought it was weird,” Steve elaborated before continuing. “Until I met someone and they were just normal,”

“The lesbian?”

“Yeah,”

“You weren’t expecting that?”

“No,”

“Am I normal?”

“What do you think, homo?” Laughing, pulling Billy farther into the bed.

_ So no answer. _

They didn’t have sex.

……………………………………..

They grabbed breakfast at a gas station.

The drive home didn’t seem as long as the drive there….He didn’t want to go back, that’s probably why. Steve didn’t talk much but, they were in the area for a pop station. Billy didn’t _ hate _new wave, but….

“This has no soul to it,” trying to strike up a conversation.

Steve shrugged, hiding his hands in his armpits, putting his feet on the dash.

Billy swatted him from across the center counsel. “Respect the ride,” A playful jab.

Steve grudgingly moved his feet.

Billy’s hand wandered.

“Oh? I was looking for the gearshift,”

Steve moved farther towards the door. “Is sex all that’s on your mind, pea brain?” Haughty, unimpressed.

Billy was… justly surprised. “Yeah, I guess it is,” Recoiling he licked his lips, “What’s on yours?”

Anything to fill the time before they went back to normal life.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on writing one more 10K chapter, but I'm ending this chapter on a high note in case i lose fucks to give. 
> 
> My socials are  
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/trashayfanfiction  
https://twitter.com/FishboneLynx


	3. Knotted Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit at 35+K this story counts as a novella. I don’t think I’ve written this much in my life. Thank you all for staying with me, and thank you so much to the Banana Fish fandom for giving me the encouragement and self-confidence to keep trying. Special thanks to Jenni for giving me feedback on drafts.
> 
> The story is 35k holy shit...  
.............
> 
> Also, I just found a post on Tumblr detailing billy’s/steves room, but I’m already committed to the details I made. Forgive me for the inconsistencies. Also APPARENTLY cassette tapes were very solidly a thing in the early ’80s. Vinyl records and eight tracks were on their way out. I am too lazy to go back and change that.

…………………………………………………….

Steve now filled the silence with chatter, razzing him like they had always been friends. He learned Steve not only played sports but watched sports- how boring to see and not do. Journey was his closest acceptable ‘rock’ band, and “You actually like Culture Club?” and no, Steve didn’t even have a crush on an athlete, celebrity, or any man before Billy. “You were my awakening, I guess.”

“How did you know I was flirting with you?” Happy glances away from the road, shy, but pleased.

Steve was watching the trees pass by. “You creeped me out,”

“You mean, I turned you on?” Voice low, he flexed his chest, hoping Steve would look at his unbuttoned shirt. He liked the idea of being the temptress.

Steve said nothing as he looked out the window.

“Your wanted my body against you. Panting, sweaty, moaning,” This tease could be rewarding. He would love to get road-head a second time.

“You were easy ass, weren’t you?,” Ouch. He smiled.

The cutting remark seemed to be made in jest, less malice than usual.

“It’s still gay,”

Razzing from both sides that would not be acceptable in Hawkins …Well, it would be, but only until they noticed how Billy looked at him. Enamored, intoxicated. Lustful. Maybe it would creep them out like it had Steve, give him away. He could be friends, but nothing more.

He wanted more and it would get him in trouble. He wanted more however Steve would allow it.

Though, maybe now it could be counted as friendship. Comradery. A partner in crime after what they’d done last night. Somebody else willing to indulge the devil and not care as they descended into the valley of lust.

It was good to not be alone.

Waking up at noon made days short. They were almost home when the sun was beginning to set. Billy actually drove the speed limit, maybe under. Anything to stay here longer; in the car and away from that shitty little town.

On the side of the road, about an hour away from Hawkins, Steve was pissing in the bushes while Billy unfolded and checked the Indiana map. His fingers brushed the yellowed paper of the California map that still resided in his Camaro’s glovebox. Those open roads he knew like the back of his hand. Places where he had yet to explore. That map was covered in pencil marks, with little stars next to particularly great beaches and bars. A place where he had only a healthy amount of fear, nothing more.

This Indiana map was blank, unused before this escapade.

Steve shut the door. Billy asked him if it was a ‘good piss’ before turning the car around. A u-turn on an empty road.

Steve gripped the armrest, asking him what he was doing. Billy’s reply was announcing “I can’t go back.”

“Well, I can. I work tomorrow,”

“What the fuck?” Billy couldn’t help but laugh as he sped up. He shifted gears, “You’re such a fuckin good boy. I don’t get it.”

Steve hastily buckled his seatbelt. “I need to be there. I just can’t fuck off to god knows wherever,”

“Your stupid little icecream place? They’ll replace you with another zit-infested airhead. Do you think it matters?”

“Yes,”

RPM’s climbing. He loved the roar of the engine. “Let me make it up to you. I’m sorry you didn’t like Adam,” He leaned sideways, biting Steve’s ear. Foot to the floor, the g-force was pleasantly pushing him back in his seat. Side-eying the road. There was no one.

Adrenaline climbing. This type of thrill hadn’t happened in a while. Steve shivered, fear and Billy’s tongue on his earlobe both assaulting his senses.

“What time do you work tomorrow?” Licking the cool shell of his ear. Hot breath.

He swallowed, checking to see if he had an erection. Not yet, good. “2 pm,”

“I can have you back by then. No worries. Do this for me?” Please. He didn’t know what he’d do if Steve said ‘no’. Probably fight and leave him on the side of the road. He didn’t want to turn around. “I need this,” There wasn’t a choice.

“….Ok,” Steve might have known, might have just been curious. “Where are you going?” Wasn’t everything he did with Billy just out of curiosity? He admitted there was no draw, no attraction to his looks. Hopefully, the attraction was to unpredictability, Billy could give him that. Or at least take him along for the ride.

“You don’t trust me?”

“Ah, maybe.”

“You only maybe trust someone who puts his teeth around your dick?”

“Ok,” Steve nodded, thinking it over, stroking his chin, “I still think I go with ‘maybe’.”

Billy cracked a smile.

Speeding down the highway, windows down, he howled.

He convinced Steve to join in. Road noise and wind. Thundering radio.

The highway ended as they blasted through some winding dirt back roads. The pits and valleys made the car lurch. He noticed Steve was surprised he allowed his beloved automobile such treatment. He was devil-may-care at the moment. It’s mine and I’ll wreck it.

The sun was nearly set. Purples were in the sky.

They arrived at a small roadside beach, sandy white. A gravel square passing as the parking lot that held maybe hold four vehicles. Billy was out of the car as soon as they parked. Shedding clothes. Vaulting towards the water.

“The Great Lake!” Yelling at the top of his lungs, no guarantee they were the only ones at the beach.

The denim jacket was left in the sand. The few buttons on his shirt may have been ripped off.

“You fucking took us to Lake Michigan?” Steve was… surprised. “How the fuck do you know how to get there,”

“Intuition,” He turned around, still moving backward “and the map,” Tapping his head, “I have a photographic memory!”

“You do not!”

“How do you know, you don’t know me,” He was wrestling out of his boots and threw one at Steve. Crickets were chirping. It was apparent that they were alone.

His jeans slowed the charge, forcing him to stop and shimmy them off his hips. Pulling them off haphazardly in his rush, leaving them inside out. He blew Steve a kiss before flinging his underwear at the other boy before breaking back into a run.

The sand on his feet was still warm from the sun. He splashed out into the lake. Water dragging on his legs. It was cold and refreshing.

About waist deep, he noticed Steve wasn’t following him. “You’ll be okay sissy, I’m a lifeguard!” He looked over his shoulder, grinning and wiggling his hips.

Steve, pursing his lips, shook his head.

“I’ll be nice, I swear,” He backed up, farther out into the lake. “Oh, I’m so lonely out here,”

“I’m keeping my underwear on! Thank you!”

“Alright, they’re white, they’re see through anyways. Come out here,”

“Shut up! I hope a fish bites your dick!”

Steve left his clothes in a pile. Underwear still on, like he’d insisted. They were a washed-out teal, not white. Billy told him that ‘killed the fun’. Steve splashed him.

He splashed back and wrestled him in all his nakedness, ignoring protests of “Dude! No! You’re making it weird,” before dunking him under the water, ruining Steve’s now less than immaculate hair. Their hotel room had no hairspray and the wind from the car window had taken out any styling that was leftover from the morning before. His own hair a wreck, but Steve didn’t think he was attractive anyway….

They grappled and screamed. Causing their own set of waves within the lake. They carried on, competitive with the goal of one who fought the longest being the winner.

Eventually, their movement slowed, both breathing heavily from the tussle. It was good.

In the silence, Billy noticed a campfire visible a mile or so up the shoreline. An orange dot flickering, only now noticed in the relative dark. Music carried over the water. He swam closer to Steve. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist.

Steve allowed himself to be held in the chest-deep water. Lazily tilting him back and forth to the far-away sound. The moonlight reflected off the lake.

“You think you’re being romantic?” A coy jab as Steve wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Fingers clasped behind Billy’s neck.

Water dripped off Steve’s hair, flattened and wrecked from earlier splashing. Billy was pleased with himself. “Yeah,” almost a whisper. It would be perfect to kiss Steve here, just lean in and…. Why was hesitating? Every other time he’d just do it. Do it without thinking. Do what felt right.

His heartbeat fast. He brought Steve’s hand to his chest so he could feel it, trembling in his ribcage.

He didn’t know if there was a lapse in his memory or if Steve closed the gap. He wanted to believe Steve did it. Warm lips against his, tongues meeting, but not battling. Not like usual…. They usually didn’t kiss. He clutched at the man’s shoulders, confining him. Please please please stay here with me.

He must have been needy. Steve gasped and laughed against him, pinching is side, before settling into the embrace. The water made Steve so light…. Legs next to his. Hips open. He held the man tighter, deepening the kiss. His lips, his ear, his neck. Kissing his collarbones. Steve wrapped his legs around him as kisses wandered lower and closer to the waterline. The top of his pecs, not quite his nipples. The body in his arms was arched into him.

He lifted Steve just enough and was met with a gasp, before splashing them both back into the water.

No more giggling. Steve bit his lip in retaliation, threading a hand through his hair, commanding, pulling him down.

“Aren’t you sad you wore your underwear now?” Billy breathed in his ear. Almost laying down in the water, his dick gaining interest.

“No,” A tease. “I thought you were romancing me, not fucking me,”

“Can’t it be both?” He ...hadn't thought about a distinction between the two.

He was met with a chuckle and more kisses. Steve was the one holding him now, rocking them to the faint music in the distance. Leaning his head into Billy’s neck, wet, beginning to cool down from lack of sun. 

Fingers stroking his hair and neck, wrinkled from moisture. They swayed in the water as the music faded as did the speck of visible campfire. “I love your kisses.” it crooned from across the blackness.

It was dark now. The night wasn’t cold, but it was cooler than it had been. They climbed out of the water, shivering in the night air.

He lay on the sand next to his…. lover was an acceptable title now, right? Is a lover different than love?

The stars were beautiful, but it was terrifying thinking of how far up they went. The vastness of the sky. If gravity stopped working he’d float away and be lost forever. Was Steve also looking at the stars? He glanced over at his companion.

He broke the silence. “It doesn’t smell like the ocean,”

“You have the pool,” Said as if that was any comparison. He laughed at Steve.

Billy was still cackling at the naivety when he gasped, “You have never seen the ocean.” It was… odd really. His entire childhood had centered around it, “I love her. More than anything else. It’s amazing. It’s powerful and terrifying.” …kind of like the sky. And Steve has never seen it.

He was glad Steve didn’t jokingly ask if “You love the ocean more than me?”. He would be forced to tell the truth. A mutual understanding that they knew where their priorities lay.

  


The crickets' song was calming.

He didn’t want to go back. “We could stay here if you want.” Breaking the silence, “I heard you can pick up guys at truck stops. Maybe I can get a few to give me money. Ya think I’m good enough?,” He laved his tongue against his lower lip, lax. Soft plush. “You and me, we can wait in the bathrooms. A guy can have us both at the same time?”

Steve grimaced, “No, not funny,”

“What? Why not? Too many sluts give it away for free?” He clicked his tongue, shaking his hair around his face.

Steve didn’t answer.

Billy sighed, rolling over. Admiring the blue moonlight glow on Steve’s face. “I hate Hawkins. It’s suffocating. Don’t you think so?”

Steve shrugged.

“Well, this is your first time out of Hawkins. What do you think?” He dug his toes into the sand. He was dry enough that the gritty particles no longer stuck to him, only a fine layer of dust.

“I like it, I guess.” Halfhearted monotone, “I don’t know. It feels risky. It’s like I’m on edge here with you.”

“The edge of what?” He waggled his eyebrow suggestively, hoping Steve would look at him instead of the night sky.

“I don’t know,” Mumbling. Another shrug wanting the subject dropped, Billy could notice that much. So meek. How did you rule the school? He wanted to ask. Eventually. Maybe everyone was hiding something, and nobody’s public face was the same as what was on the inside. Eventually, it would crack and.…. Fuck. He hated thinking about that kind of thing.

But he couldn’t let it go. He needed this connection. To tell someone exactly what he was thinking for once in his life. 

“I miss the ocean. I miss the waves. The smell of salt,” He stretched, reaching for the stars, “Let me take you there sometime?”

“Tonight? “

“Why not?” he sniggered “What does any of it matter?” Joyless laughter. It would never happen. The sand slipped through his fingertips. He had been casually drawing pictures, but there wasn’t enough moisture to keep them legible.

He whacked his knuckles against Steve’s shoulder, knocking loose some dust from his palm. Fresh earthy scent invaded his nostrils. This wasn’t Hawkins, but this wasn’t home.

“Don’t tell me this doesn’t feel like freedom?” The beach, the water, the crickets, nobody around. Look at me, please.

A slightly irritated response from his companion. Just a glance before returning attention to the stars. “It's dangerous,”

“I know,” Innuendo. You want to fuck me on the beach right now? I want you to.

“So why do you do it? Thrill?” Steve was not the brightest, nor the worldliest. So close to grasping the concept.

“I like danger,” It came out haughty. He never told Steve the full story, but if Steve didn’t put enough together by now he was an idiot.

Steve chose the dumb response, “So you’re an adrenaline junkie?”

Billy couldn’t help but laugh, even more desperate than before. A true observation even if it didn’t get to the root cause, “Is that why you do it? To give you an adrenaline bump?” He hoped he didn’t snap. He rolled back on his back. The stars called. He sighed. “I can’t help it. You know how that is?”

“Like an addiction?”

Of course, Steve wouldn’t know, would he? He’d only taken the opportunity because Billy offered …. Would never have known on his own. Any man would take a new chance to get his dick wet if that opportunity was right in front of him. He would never tell anyone and go back to his normal life.

At that moment Billy hated him. His gut twisted over things about himself he couldn’t change.

Was it an addiction?

“I don’t know.” It might be an addiction. Sneaking out, starting trouble. He didn’t know what to do without it. It was so ingrained into him. Did he like it? Yeah. Why he liked it didn’t matter. It was all shallow, wasn't it? There was no greater purpose in it, but there was no greater purpose in anything.

It wasn’t like they would go on a date. This right here was as close to a date as they would get.

This was supposed to be nice. And Steve had hated it.

“I’m sorry about Adam. I didn’t know you weren’t into that. Let me make it up to you,”

He genuinely liked sex. The thrill….. He now understood Steve’s hesitation. His fear and hesitance.

There was no reason to be hesitant now.

His fingers untangled from Steve’s. Groping towards the wet cotton of his briefs, now uncomfortably cold. “You should get out of these,” He pressed the heel of his palm against the soft bulge.

“You’re gonna smell like fish,” Steve warned, “Lake,”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, straight boy?” He leaned into Steve, not touching but appreciating the body heat radiating off of him. “Will you kiss me after if I smell like fish?”

He pressed his lips to Steve’s jaw and was met with a shiver.

“I never expected you to try being romantic,”

“I never expected you to like cock. Let me. This is one thing we both like,”

He dragged the soggy briefs down Steve’s legs, setting them aside. A shiver from the chill, attractively shaking his hips.

Teasing his fingers along Steve’s chest and hips before taking him into his mouth. Drooling. It had been too long, this is the longest they’d been together without fucking…..and he had been sated until now. He moaned as it slid down his throat, tight and hot, pulsing…

Steve’s gasps echoed across the water.

He touched himself, knees digging into the sand, working the organ with his mouth one hand around the base.

This was good, Steve’s hand in his hair, egging him on, pushing him down. Drool beginning to cover his hand.

…..waiting for Steve to tell him wonderful dirty whispers, but sentences weren’t happening, instead: “Fuck- unh!” And “Ooh!” Cute adorable sounds of passion.

He loved being able to do that. Command that power. Be wanted. Be needed.

High pitched ecstasy from his partner. Wonderful warm bitterness coated his mouth. Thick on his tongue.

He kept going. Steve tapped his cheek, telling him to stop. His mind was blank.

He was good at this. He was meant for this.

Whines of overstimulation assaulted his ears. He held Steve’s hips.

His own body spasmed. His toes gripped the ground. He saw stars.

He collapsed on top of his partner.

……..

They lay there, hearts slowing, bodies limp and sated.

As much as he loved cuddling naked on the beach, he didn’t want anyone to find them in the morning. And after their sheen of sweat, it was cold.

He stirred, pushing himself off of Steve. His face nestled in the other's chest. He should have licked the nipple so close to his mouth, a taunting goodbye before wandering the beach for their discarded vestiges. 

He waded up to his knees before dipping his hands in the water to wash the slick from his mouth and groin.

The moon was white and they must have not been that far from a city, as the sky bright enough to make out shapes of their clothes in the sand.

He had no guarantee he’d grabbed them all.

He kicked Steve, letting him know it was time.

They pulled on some semblance of clothes before heading toward the car. Not driving home yet, but not sleeping on the beach naked.

……………………………………………

“What do you think you’re doing? Have you never slept in a car before?”

Steve was moving their bags to better climb into the back seat.

“Get out of there, you’re too tall. You’re not ten. I don’t want you bitching all day tomorrow. Get in the passenger side.”

Steve obeyed.

“Yeah, now slide the seat back all the way and recline it. Yeah, like that. Doesn’t that feel better than having your legs jammed up in a space you’re too big for?”

Steve conceded that it was a better choice.

Billy pulled the dusty Navajo blanket out of his trunk. As a child, his mother told him a shaman had given it to her. When he was older, right before his mother left, he realized it was a cheap trinket sold all over.

He threw it at Steve, instructing him to use extra clothes as a pillow. Muttering how he couldn’t believe Steve didn’t know how to sleep in a car. Steve mumbled that he’d ‘went camping before’.

Billy wrapped up in his jacket.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay here?” He asked in the darkness. The trees covering their parking space blocked out most light. 

“I need to go back. I have work in the morning.”

Indiana wasn’t nearly as cold as the desert at night.

……………………………………………

He didn’t want to go back home, but Steve insisted.

Stupid fuckin ice cream place….. with a stupid cute uniform that they still needed to fuck in sometime…

There was nothing to do in Hawkins. He drove around, smoked by the flour factory trying to keep his mind off Steve and the weekend they had. Trying not to think about something was a surefire way to remember it.

It made him horny.

He stopped by Karen’s, at the very least, she’d know what to say. He noticed the bikes in the yard. He went in anyways.

He should have known one of the twerps gave Max a ride.

As soon as Karen opened the door, Max met him in the entryway. His loud engine let her know exactly who it was.

“Where have you been? What are you doing here?” Her disappointment was evident, it was obnoxious. She was nearly five years younger than him. He didn’t need to listen to this.

He gave Karen a charming smile, leaning against the doorframe before Max grabbed his arm diverting his attention.

“Dad is pissed, he almost called the cops,”

Karen was worriedly smoothing her skirt at that last comment…. He didn’t know if he should tell her about Neil. The rest of the kids were peeking around the basement door.

He shook his head. “I’m taking you home. He doesn’t know you’re here either,” a reasonable bluff. He looked down his nose at Max.

Max crossed her arms, tapping her foot, “We thought you’d be home yesterday,”

Billy shrugged. “Well, I wasn’t,”

He blew Karen a kiss, but she seemed too concerned to yield to his flirting.

Max was having none of it, boldly grabbing his hand, gripping his fingers, staring him down. “You need to stop. You try to suck face with everything that moves,”

He shook her off, shoving his hands back in his pockets. Ms. Wheeler was watching him in a way that made him feel cornered. Looked down on.

“Has she been this irritating all day?” He rolled his eyes, hoping suave gestures would relax Karen into talking with him.

Max was intent on not letting him divert attention, “Steve’s been gone too. Did you have anything to do with that?”

“Why you think I beat him up or something?”

He could see her swallow her first response, “Maybe. I don’t know,”

He didn’t like the way she said ‘I don’t know’. She knew exactly what she thought. “You wanna be his babysitter? You don’t think he has better things to do than hang out with a bunch of little kids,”

“He was with you wasn’t he?”

Her whining was annoying.

He wasn’t going to say anything in front of Karen, but any other time he’d love to rub it in her face. He ran the scenario over in his head: “Yeah, I fuck your friend. How do you like that? I suck his dick and he sucks mine.” Billy could just imagine Max’s reaction, the recoil of disgust, disappointment, repulsion.

Karen knew now. He saw her flinch. But they hadn’t hooked up since her realization, so it didn’t matter did it? No reason to care what she’d think of him fucking her daughter’s ex-boyfriend. No worry of a realization of their age difference, or how fucked up he was. She already knew that.

He didn’t answer quick enough. He should have had a witty comeback, not his eyes on Karen, brain off in fantasy land. Max took his silence as guilt. “Oh my god Billy, you didn’t...,”

He knew she didn’t want a brother like him. If she hadn’t said anything already, it would only be a matter of time before her blabbermouth told the kids. And the kids would tell everyone no matter how much he threatened them.

And with Steve, it would get out officially, not just rumors.

“I didn’t what?”

Total denial would only look more suspicious. He could spin this. He’d been lying since birth. His mother had taught him.

“I was out with Steve. We worked out our differences. He let me slug him a few times. We’re good,”

Karen didn’t fall for his lie, looking down her nose at him. Max seemed more hesitant. Max probably knew the truth, but wanted to believe him.

He snorted.

Maybe it was because she liked Steve so much. Believed Steve wasn’t perverted like he was.

.

“He’s kinda funny. Cute, like a puppy” Saccharine voice, he patted her head how she hated.

She glowered up at him.

“What?” he jostled, knowing provocation would break her resolve. Force her to see what she didn’t want to.

She grabbed her jacket to leave.

………………………………………………………………………..

Max nagged him in the car. Apparently, he did get under her skin. “I can’t believe you. You’re doing it again aren’t you?”

Billy tapped his knuckles against the window. “We’re out in the middle of fuckin nowhere. What do you think I’m doing? Say it,”

Max turned her accusatory glance away from him, “We’re just worried about you,”

He chuckled at that, “I’m sure,”

They sped back to the house. Silence broken by one last plea of “Please leave Steve alone,” before they entered the door.

…………………….

Of course, Neil went off at him when he got home. Circling, locking the door behind Billy, cutting off the quickest escape route, trapping him for the lecture which was always just a whole lot of the same things.

Took the keys to his Camaro. Told him to ‘never do that again, or you won’t live here anymore.” He couldn’t even get a word in to tell him where Max had been.

His arm was bruised from where Neil grabbed it. His face was slapped, but Neil was smart enough to not leave too bad of marks.

The last thing he needed was pity from looking like he was on the losing end of a fight.

It was tempting to not live here, but he was smart enough to know he couldn’t finish his senior year homeless.

Living in his car would make him the bottom of the food chain there. The lifeguard job was pocket money, it wouldn’t make savings to make rent, even in Hawkins.

Whatever.

He moved stiffly the next day, but he was still moving.

…………………………………………..

He’d always been good at getting around his limitations. No keys just led to him walking a few miles to have Steve pick him up at a falling-down farmhouse. Fucking here would be roughing it. If anyplace was haunted, it would be here.

But he never believed in stuff like that.

They fucked in the back of Steve’s ugly car. An uncool family wagon that’s only redeeming quality was its spaciousness. It’d be gold to see the look on the kids' faces revealing what they’d done back here. They were old enough to know what sex smelled like.

The car had canvas seating. The smell would stay.

Steve’s hands had never been so needy. Billy loved it. It hadn’t even been a week. Something must have went right.

Billy smiled against his lips as Steve fucked him, pulling the older boy down on top of him, further into him.

“Yes, yes, yes,”

The slick dripping down his crack was soaking into the upholstery. Condom wrapper thrown somewhere in the car.

Steve moaned into his mouth.

“My parents aren’t home. Ya wanna…”

He put on his best bimbo impersonation, “Steve Harrington,” gasping, breathless, “are you inviting me home?”

A whimper as a reply. Billy stretched his hands above his head.

Sure, he’d be down for round two….

………………………………

It was always about sex.

He had teased Steve on the way, a mock blowjob more to amuse than to accomplish. “I’ve never had the pleasure of giving you road head,” Blowing a kiss from the passenger seat, leaning over, pressing his face to the warm denim.

Steve’s sharp exhale bounced with the unevenness of the road, “I’m done,”

“I know,” Open mouth kisses and licks over fabric ignoring him. “Put your hand in my hair,”

…………………………………………………………..

He should have known how rich Steve was. Middle class, he corrected himself. It was still a world away from how he lived. The two-story house, queen size bed in Steve’s room, pool. Clean, so either stay at home mother or maid, both luxuries he was never afforded. He was jealous.

Steve broke the silence, “Ya wanna watch a movie or something?” Face still flushed from antagonizing in the car, but dick still not ready.

Grinning, mocking, Billy put his hands on his hips, “You gonna cuddle me?”

Steve lifted an eyebrow, shaking his head, “Only if you order me a pizza,”

“I just took you out,” he scoffed, “You pay for pizza, your bougie fuck. Or cook for me,”

Steve decided to cook. Maybe it was sentimental, maybe Billy was overthinking it. There weren’t two cars here, no delivery boy would suspect anything.

Steve’s efforts were met with: “All you can cook is eggs? That’s pathetic,”

Steve shrugged, biting into the BLT.

“I can teach you how to cook if you want,” He shook the bacon grease from the sandwich.

“Why would you know how to cook, Macho Wannabe?”

“How do you think I look like this?” Gesturing to himself. Giggling was not how he’d wanted to respond. A girlish faggy giggle.

Steve had decimated his plateful, “Just lucky I guess,”

“Dipshit, I work hard at it. Just like your stupid hair,”

“Yeah, but you work hard at that and your stupid hair. That’s a lot of fuckin time man,”

“All this talking’s making my head hurt, I thought you were going to invite me back to your room~” Billy whined.

“You’re not that much of a dumb bitch,”

The horror movie on cable was one they’d both seen before. Surprisingly they had that in common.

……………….

He stripped Steve and threw him on the bed. Crawling up his body nearly fully clothed. It was an interesting reversal of most other experiences he had.

Steve’s bed was the softest Billy had ever been in. It dipped as he leaned forward, hovering above Steve, debating the best way to pounce and consume him. Consume his everything.

“It’s my parent’s old mattress,” Steve responded, so automatic and blank Billy was pulled from the moment.

He couldn’t help but laugh, “That’s fucked man,” More giggling he couldn’t stop, what was wrong with him? “So like, they fucked here and now you sleep here. I bet that impressed Nancy,” Small talk during sex is not what he wanted.

“Shut up!” Whining, now that Steve realized what he’d done. “You’re the worst,”

Billy needed to push it farther, “Are you gonna think of them while fucking me?”

More high pitched defensive whining, “Do you wanna get fucked? Because it’s gonna be your fault if I can’t get it up,”

Billy laughed again, smile cracking across his face, “I don’t think that’s going to be an issue.”

The comforter was stacked against the headboard. Steve leaned back against it as Billy spread his legs and settled across his lap, hands on his waist. No, Steve didn’t have any issue ‘getting it up’ even after all the off-color humor.

He stripped off his shirt, commanding Steve look at him, hand under his chin, stubble rough against his fingertips.

He slid down.

“Can you feel how wet I am from earlier? Does that turn you on, knowing your come is in me?”

Steve’s bedframe rhythmically thumped against the wall as he held Steve down. There was no external noise covering it up, no TV, no stereo, no party going on. …It was kind of hot. Only panting and groaning; sounds of lust. Holding Steve down gave him chills...

“Come on already, touch me!” He pulled Steve’s hand to his leaking cock, “Pretty Boy, I want you to-“

“Sssh!!” Steve’s hand flew over his mouth, shushing him. He sucked the fingers into his mouth, still jerking his hips.

“S-stop, I think I heard something. …..Shit… I think my parents are home,”

Billy was willing to entertain this game, holding still. Giving Steve his best bedroom eyes as he brought Steve’s pointer finger back up to his mouth, rolling his tongue around the digit. His stomach dropped when the squeak of the front door closing was no longer the squeak of the bed.

He bolted off the bed in a moment. He grabbed his clothes, pulling his jeans on, not bothering with underwear. He cursed Steve for living on the second floor, not even a good covered porch or garage to jump out on. He was too big to fit under the bed…. The sliding folding door of Steve’s closet showed the space was ridiculously messy.

Steve seemed much less concerned about this than Billy, but he was still whispering. “Shh! They’ll leave us alone, just be quiet,”

Billy was pacing, “How am I gonna leave?“

“They’ll think you’re just a friend, just don’t fuckin squeak the bed anymore”

He was trying to calm down. He was still pacing. He exhaled through his nose.

“So we stay here until it doesn’t look conspicuous that I’m leaving,”

“Yeah, just wait long enough. They’ll settle in, and I’ll take ya downstairs and take you home and like nothing happened,”

“Like nothing happened,” Billy licked his lips,

“Yeah,”

“What do you have to do around here?” His heart was still pounding, the adrenaline high.

Steve shrugged. “I-I don’t spend that much time in my room, to be honest,”

Billy began browsing his shelves. So much stuff, but nothing too old. Sports trophies, a surprising amount of ‘stylish’ clothes, he admitted he was jealous of. It was messy, but not like his own house’s aura of neglect and garbage. Only a few dusty remnants of childhood. At the beginning of summer, he would have used them as blackmail.

Sitting on the floor, unashamedly snooping, he found a ziplock bag under the bed.

“Pew! That’s rancid! How old is this stuff?“

“I bought it from Tommy, and-”

“Oh, that was a while ago, back when you were a cool kid.”

“Shh! My parents are downstairs,”

“Okay, you big baby.” Billy mockingly confiscated the bag and shoved it in his pocket. “Whatever you paid you paid too much for that. I’m taking it before you get your damn-self sick,”

“But that’s mine,”

“It’s bad. I’m throwing it out for you,”

They bullshitted for a while, running out of conversation after an hour or so. Billy suggested making out, to which Steve refused. He found Steve’s copies of Playboy and suggested jerkin him off while Steve looked at the images. Steve was unimpressed.

It was time to go downstairs.

A smiling dark-haired woman was in the living room. She looked put together, but not nearly as manicured as Karen. Straight-laced.

The stairs creaked. She looked up. “Hello, Steve,”

She eyed him. He hoped he didn’t visibly flinch.

“What were you doing up there,”

“Billy’s having girl troubles,”

Billy waved hello …She wasn’t as warm as Karen. He gave her a charming smile anyways, tossing his hair to the side. It couldn’t hurt.

“How could you possibly have girl problems,” …He was taken aback at the comment, but he supposed most women weren’t going to flirt with a man half their age.

He snorted and shrugged.

Steve gave him a dirty look.

“Steve, won’t you introduce me to your new friend?” A nosy mother. His birth mom had been similar. Always in everyone’s business.

“I did, his name’s Billy. He’s going now,” Steve tried hurrying him by the elbow. ….such a rush to get him to leave…. He just wanted to fight it.

“How about he stay for dinner?” A nosy overbearing mother.

He didn’t trust Steve to come up with a convincing lie.

“Sure Ms. Harrington, I’d love that,”

“Ah! He’s polite!” She placed her hand over her mouth, amused.

Steve glared at him. “You’re not staying,” he hissed.

“Sure I am, parents love me,” Billy pushed past him. Whatever story Steve would tell would likely contradict. Steve was the dumb jock.

Billy fancied himself to be a smart dumbass. Lying and persistence, the few other things he was good at besides sucking dick.

…………………..

He was bored on the couch as Steve’s mom prepared dinner. Feigned being interested in the ESPN football Steve’s father was watching. It stopped every few minutes. The only thing worse to watch than football was baseball. Call him unamerican.

He kicked himself for not realizing Steve had cable earlier. A golden opportunity to show Steve Heavy Metal Mania missed.

Rich families had cable.

He remembered bumming cable off of Nate back in California. Nate wasn’t rich by any means, but they did afford that luxury. His mother told him TV would rot his brain.

He certainly felt like it was rotting right now. Why was he here again?

Oh yeah, because he didn’t want to go home, and if he let Steve get a word in their cover would be blown.

…………………………

Dinner was.

“So who’s your girl problem?” Steve’s father offered him the serving tray.

“Heather Holloway,” Billy wiped his mouth with the napkin before taking it.

“Oh!” Steve's mom chortled, “Her father’s the mayor. She’s such a nice girl,”

“I know,”

“How do you know Heather,”

“I work with her at the pool.”

“You must have all kinds of girls chasing you then,” Steve’s mother made it sound like an insult, “You sure you didn’t make her jealous?”

“I don’t know, She’s not telling me,”

“Isn’t that how women always are?” Steve’s father’s voice boomed.

Billy shrugged, “Steve’s the sensitive type, I thought he’d know,”

His father laughed and clapped his son on the back. “I’m sorry to tell you, Steve’s not the best ladies man,”

Steve grumbled something into a forkful of carrots.

“I thought Heather and that Cole boy were together?” His mother chortled.

….shit? Was that true? Billy’s thoughts were interrupted by Steve’s father again.

“I don’t know what happened, they used to think my boy was pretty hot stuff,” He seemed proud to know his genetics were seen favorably with the ladies.

Billy could get in on that cutting joking, anything to get away from the subject he might have slipped-up on. “Yeah, that Byers kid stole his girlfriend, didn’t he?”

Steve grumbled and kicked him under the table. ...it was interesting to know that Steve was still sore about that. He hadn’t looked at Steve until then, worried his glances would linger too long.

  


Steve’s parents were overbearing but not observant. It could be worse. They could be like Neil, noticing every little detail, making not only cutting but incriminating inquiries.

Maybe they were behaving themselves in front of Billy. From a young age, he had learned a healthy fear of men. The last thing he wanted was one chasing him down and bashing his face in for corrupting his son.

The conversation continued into nothingness.

Dinner ended without conflict.

He didn’t let Steve get a word in, just in case. Steve was a horrible liar. None of them let Steve get a word in.

Steve never talked about them, so he wouldn’t know.

  


…………………………………

Steve drove him home. “You just need to be suspicious don’t you?”

“What?”

“You know. You were trying way too hard.”

Billy shrugged. “I’m cute, it gets me around,”

“You can’t just flirt your way out after I tell her you have girl problems,”

They rode in silence. Maybe Steve was right, maybe that was a bad call.

Steve parked a half-mile away from Billy’s trailer.

“Uh, would you like to just like hang out sometime? I can invite Robin too, you two seemed to get along. It might be better if we’re all at the house,”

He bursts out laughing, “As a coverup to me just getting caught with you?” So his parent’s probably noticed something wasn’t right. Oh well, too late now. “Just because she’s queer doesn’t mean I like her,”

“She saw through you and offered you sympathy,”

He laughed even harder at that, “I don’t need any sympathy. A lot of people see through me. Look at your mom. And you, you’re not the brightest crayon in the box,”

Steve was about to retaliate when Billy kissed him.

Just a quick peck, demanding only in the sense he held Steve’s hair to keep him in place. Preventing him from shying away. Steve still recoiled at the sudden movement….

Billy leaned in through the open window before leaving fully, “Let me know how it goes in the morning,”

………………………..

Steve gave him a call. The dreaded ominous “We need to talk,” call. Told Billy to meet him on his lunch break at 2.

Billy shouldn’t be this anxious coming to the mall alone. He stopped by the record store as a facade of normalcy. Nothing like some brutal heavy metal cover art to calm his nerves. Browsing was easier without a girlfriend at his side ‘oohing and ‘ahh-ing at everything he picked up, agreeing with everything he said. It was obnoxious and fake. He hated fake. He wanted someone to speak their mind.

He should take Steve here. Buy him something.

...who was he kidding. He hadn’t even lent Steve anything. These were not things Steve cared about. But at least Steve was honest with him, ...about music anyways.

He couldn’t believe it was a month since he’d had any kind of girlfriend...

He was beginning to know the three male employees.

They already knew him. He was always surprised how word traveled in the small town. Even after living here nearly a year he was ‘the new kid’, wasn't one of the locals’. He was still getting used to everyone knowing everyone.

He knew two of their names.

Jerome, the tall dropout worked as a roofer part-time and had an attractively rugged farmer’s tan. Robin knew him. Jerome was quiet and not much of a salesman, but would give a line or two of conversation when ringing up. Usually what he thought of the album, what he thought was ‘brilliant’ or ‘a little rough’ about it.

Billy didn’t know much about the technicalities of music, he just knew what he liked and disliked when he heard it.

Theo was the talkative one. Far too talkative and tryhard. He had an earring, but Billy picked up no other tells, so he assumed he was being trendy.

Theo was working the counter today. “So I heard you went to the War Horse show?”

Billy took a moment to register. Oh yeah. The headliner Adam’s band toured with. Everyone in a small town was into everyone else’s business. “Yeah, they were pretty good.”

“You went?” He asked, interested in Theo’s information avenues, as he hadn’t told anybody besides Steve. He was sure Theo would say. The guy never kept his mouth shut.

“Nah,” Theo waved his hand, “Too far. Jerome was saying you’d went,”

“I didn’t think he said anything ever,”

Theo grinned, “I guess he doesn’t say much,” So, Steve told Robin, Robin told Jerome. Word travels fast even when there’s nothing to say. In a small town, there’s nothing to do but gossip.

He wondered how much else Steve shared with Robin.

He would probably never get a straight answer.

Hopefully, Robin was smart enough to not share too much.

………………..

He happened to see Tommy in the food court. He waved before sitting down at the table.

Tommy wrapped an arm around his girlfriend Carol.

They turned their nose down at him, which caught him off guard. He was usually hot shit. Maybe the charm of being the hot new guy with the cool car was wearing off. It wasn’t going to last forever.

“I hear you’re hanging out with Steve these days?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

How much was getting out? Something didn’t feel right. Maybe he was just paranoid, ‘We need to talk’ never meant anything good.

“He’d kind of a loser now.

Billy shrugged and agreed, but “I’ve never been good at doing what people tell me,”

“He hangs out with little kids,”

“Not when I'm around,” He clicked his tongue, “Tommy, have more faith in me,”

  


It was 2. It was time for Steve’s lunch break.

………………………………………………………

“I can’t see you anymore,” Is how Steve opened the conversation in the back of the mall, Steve had invited him around on his lunch break. This was somewhat whiplash. He took the invite during work time as a form of intimacy, but he was somewhat expecting this.

He knew Neil received a phone call the night Steve brought him home. Never said who it was, but what followed was a barrage of “I can’t believe you’re still doing that shit,” “You’re going to die in a ditch someday,” and such. He didn’t know if it was exactly related to Steve at the time, sometimes Neil just had bad days and Billy’d stopped wondering the reasoning behind it. Only half-listening when he was yelled at and hit and shoved against the wall.

He was fourteen and realized nothing he did would ever be good enough. He’d stopped blaming himself, was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Sometimes you just need to let your anger out. He learned to implement it himself …

He wasn’t angry now, in the back mall parking lot.

“So?,” He smirked, crossing his arms. “you’re still going to,” He was interested.

“I mean it, this needs to stop. Hawkins is my home,” Steve’s pleading look was oh so cute. He was helpless, wasn’t he? Just as helpless as Billy was. He’d ruined Steve to be just like him….

“So?” he snuffed out his cigarette on the wall before lighting a new one. Stepping closer, he wrapped an arm around the other man. Maybe this would be the time they could fuck in that cute uniform. Just a BJ around the corner, next to the woods. Leave Steve smiling the rest of the day. Robin would know exactly what happened during his lunch break despite not seeing Billy.

Steve shook him off, “I’m not like you, I like it here,”

“Why would you like it here?”

“My family’s here,”

“You liked it over by the lake. It’s a lot more fucking dangerous where everyone knows who we are,”

Steve palmed the air, weighing the best way to settle his feelings, but remained silent.

“I thought you were the romantic ‘love solves everything’ type. Isn’t that why Nancy left you? You weren’t realistic enough,”

“I’ve changed since then,”

Billy stepped closer, intent on proving how carnal desire was worth any risk before a rude interruption.

“What is this?” Robin popped her head through the employee exit. “You told me you were going to the bathroom,” She shook two takeout boxes.

She sat down on the cement steps, handing an open one to Steve. Billy reached for it.

“I’m not giving you any,”

He took a single chopstick and stabbed a morsel.

She chewed around her food, “So, you were gonna take twenty min to fuck in the back before he needed to go to work? Rude,”

“No,” They replied far too quickly.

Her expression said she didn’t believe them.

“I’m trying to get him to leave,” Steve clarified.

“He’s chickening out,” Billy interjected, “We’re great, but he got scared,” A side-eyed glance at Steve, shaming him.

“How do you do it?” Steve asked her.

“I don’t know,” She loudly chewed her Chinese food. “I just hooked you up, you deal with it,”

“Yeah,” Billy cut in, insulted Steve was leaving this to a third party instead of listening to him, “She doesn’t have a girlfriend. You think she’d be so uptight?”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed you’ve gotten a little more mellow since regularly getting dicked down,”

Steve covered his mouth in amusement.

Billy snorted.

………………………………………………………………

Nothing came of the conversation, but Billy assumed Steve talked it over more with Robin because he was back a few days later.

Bolder than before.

He wanted to imagine she’d told him to ‘embrace it’, but she was an outsider, she’d never had a taste of being ‘the cool kid’. Steve somehow was still bitter about losing that title and all of its triviality. He was bitter about it only at the most inconvenient of times.

It seemed more likely that she said something about him being too good for Billy. Which was true, Billy agreed. He’d been lucky to have a nice boy like Steve. Steve was probably only with him for some parody of rebellion. A dark secret that would never be talked about or acknowledged after it was over.

Oh well. Might as well indulge it. Go all the way.

Billy somehow convinced him to take more risks. He wished Steve had been this cooperative when they had Adam.

Finally embracing the dangerous life as a deviant. Reveling in it as he should. It made Billy’s heart beat fast.

………………………………………

“Come on, I want to do it in my room now,” Steve’s knuckles were bony in his hand as he dragged him through their trailer. Steve had protested, but hormones were in control.

Neil was at work. This was meant to be a breakup. But Steve was going along with it despite his protests.

“But what if Max-“

“Max knows.” He pulled Steve into the wall, bracketing his arms around him. “Why are you worried?”

Why did it always end up like this? That uncontrollable lust. He thinks he understood why they used to castrate people like him. He couldn’t get away from it. It clouded his judgment. The animalistic need.

He was just a filthy animal.

He received moans as a reply, shoving Steve through the door, throwing him onto the bed. Dropping the needle onto his record player to somewhat muffle the noise ...for twenty-five minutes at most. Enough time to take the edge off, and get lost in the pleasure so much he didn’t care anymore. Steve watched him from the bed, legs splayed, shoes still on as he threw his shirt on the ground before rushing him.

“But what if-“

“Shut up, you’re stalling.” He initiated a French kiss. Steve’s eyes wide open during the kiss. What kind of weirdo doesn’t shut his eyes… Bolder was an improvement but he wasn’t yet a fiend. Billy would change that. Corrupt him thoroughly. “If you’re that worried, we can install a few locks on my door. I have them in the car. Neil can try to break it down while you screw my brains out. But…” He rolled his hips into Steve, pressing taught denim together, “You don’t want to wait that long, do you?”

He moved again, pressing his ass into Steve’s prominent erection. “Ya wanna make me scream?”

“Oh fuck, Do me.” He whimpered, legs wrapping around Steve’s hips. Flipping them. Grasping, trying to pull him down into the bed. Grind Steve’s hardness into him again.

“Do you want me?” He pulled himself out of the kiss. Comforter soft under his elbows.

“Yeah,”

Steve fucked him while Def Leppard spun on the turntable. Hands against the wall, face pressed into his Metallica poster.

Steve’s hands in his hair, bouncing the old mattress. “Oh fuck fuck fuck yes!” This is what he needed. This is what he always needed. His toes dug into the mattress, worn cotton already soiled from remnants of more lonely nightly activities.

Steve’s balls slapping against his ass.

He twisted and blushed. He loved feeling that flush all down his face and chest. Lube sliding down the back of his sack... The erotic jolt of being joined in the most carnal of ways.

He let his consciousness fade as he gave over to pleasure.

His body thrummed with the thrill.

Steve climaxed, collapsing against him, gripping his shoulders, kissing his hair and face.

Like a lover would.

It felt so good to have a lover.

Billy’s heart was pounding, but he hadn’t came yet. He was saving himself. He threw Steve back into the pillows, stripping the condom off the other’s overly sensitive cock. Steve whined; half-conscious, pliant, good enough to eat. He couldn’t help himself.

Billy was panting, “I need you,”

“Yeah?” Steve was breathless.

He was licking the come streaked down Steve’s dick. Steve mewled as slicked his fingers with his taint. Billy thrusts one into him. “I’m gonna wreck you so thoroughly,”

Sharp inhale and a whimper. Brown eyes looking at the ceiling, figuring out what exactly was happening, the sensations he was feeling. Billy remembered his own first time, still high on endorphins. The newness, the lust.

Steve’s blissful post-orgasmic expression…...He was so cute.

Billy smiled around the cock in his mouth before kissing it. “You’ll never be able to have normal sex again,”

He ventured another finger. Prying him open. Snug around his digits, coaxing him to relax.

Pupils still wide, but concern now marring his features.

He took Steve’s cock deeper into his mouth.

Steve jumped, pressing on his shoulders.

“It’s good, you’ll be good,” He mumbled into Steve’s hip. The adrenaline was pulsing in the back of his head.

He twitched his fingers and was met with a grimace.

Steve’s hesitance was adorable, Billy kissed him and he melted again.

The record had stopped spinning.

He pinned Steve’s wrists, rubbing his cock against his ass. Bucking his hips.

When Steve shifted, Billy but his lip. Worrying and sucking the supple flesh. Steve’s tongue tangled with his own.

Steve wanted him. Being wanted turned him on more than anything else. He deepened the kiss, rolling his hips again.

Steve’s squirming made wonderful friction. He shook Billy’s mouth off his own.

He bit Steve’s neck, holding his hips, sliding himself in.

The initial press made his eyes roll back. The drag of slick tightness all around him… Steve’s whines…

Steve’s hands on his chest. He held his slim hips tighter.

Billy trembled. His cock couldn’t be buried farther. He tried to slow his breathing, orgasming this soon would only get him teased.

He wanted to kiss Steve before wrecking him...

Leaning down, he was pulled out of his trance by a half-full beer can crashing into the side of his head. He screamed and grasped the side of his head. Shocked, lucky it wasn’t his temple. Stale beer spilling over his bed.

Billy glared down at his betrayal. Steve. The can. The nearest thing Steve could grab off the nightstand.

“What!?” He roared, gripping the side of his face. “Isn’t this what you want?”

“Leave me alone!” he was jostled back with a kick in the chest.

Jumping up from the bed, he slipped on a crumpled t-shirt, falling hard amidst the junk and garbage. Impact vibrating the room, shooting pain up his tailbone. His curls stuck to his sweaty face.

Stupid fucking cheap trailer.

Steve’s voice cracked. “Ge-get away from me!”

“This is MY house moron!”

Steve was still on the bed, fumbling. Breathing hard. Shocked? What the fuck does he have to be shocked for?

“You worried I’m gonna turn you into a faggot?” He was fuming. He jumped back on the bed, backing Steve up against the wall.

Steve’s dick was still soft from completion. He trembled as Billy cupped him.

“It’s too late,” He smiled around the sentence. “Hate me all you want,” He went in for a kiss, but Steve turned his face away.

“Let me up,” He couldn’t read Steve’s inflection. Denial, dread maybe?

Billy ignored him flirtingly, kissing down his chest. His boner was dying, but kissing was nice anytime.

Steve shoved him away.

“Stop,”

Steve stretched, slowly grabbing his clothing off the floor, getting dressed. Billy watched him in silence.

Billy snorted, “I didn’t force you to do anything,”

….

Max came home as Steve was leaving. Billy watched out the window. Steve gave her a quick salute.

He sat back on the bed, lube dampening the bedding. Freshly spilled beer stinking up his room more than normal.

Billy listened to the car leave.

“Shit,” he kicked the drywall.

The brittle board cracked…

Double shit. If Neil saw that, he’d kill him. Better fuckin go to the hardware- shit. He didn’t even have his car keys.

Oh well, he’s getting his ass beat tonight. Or tomorrow. Or whenever the fuck Neil finds out.

Oh well, it’d happen anyways for any reason. Fuck if he cared.

…….

The next morning he thought he saw Max watching him. She knew about Steve by now, but she knew better than to say anything.

He didn’t get his keys back until a few days later when he had to work again. Neil demanded his official schedule. The keys needed to be returned after work. “No exceptions. I need to know where you are at all times, you hear me?”

Maybe it was from a place of concern. Concern and control were basically the same things, weren’t they?

He debated stealing the keys back, but the fallout wouldn’t be worth it. It was only a matter of time before Neil told him to “Get the fuck outta here,” and would throw them back at him.

………………………………

He was on lifeguard duty today. Max was at the pool with a weird brunette girl in tow. He didn’t know any of the buzzard’s names. Lucas came around, and Max avoided him.

Billy liked that but was aware it was likely because Lucas had pissed her off, instead of his warnings.

Same effect though. Same outcome.

  
  


Steve came to the pool. With Robin, not the kids. The kids were getting too old for a babysitter.

Steve’s legs were nice. Long and lean. He couldn’t keep his eyes off him. Tiny shorts showing off his bulge. Robin wrecked his perfect hair, dunking him under the water. Steve squawked.

By watching Steve, he noticed Steve was watching Robin. Her curvy hips and thighs. Pale soft skin. Her cleavage peeking out from the tied front of her swimsuit. Her bright smile and freckles. Steve couldn’t help himself…..

‘She’s a lesbian.’ Steve had assured him. ‘There’s no chance,’ ...but that didn’t mean Steve didn’t look.

It was natural really. That’s what you did when you found someone attractive.

It was cute, really; that he wasn’t subtle at all.

The way he looked at Robin…..

Other times Steve would be distracted by Heather’s jiggling tits in her low cut red uniform. They nearly escaped every time she performed her habit of leaning over the pool to talk to whoever. Her suit would ride up between her plump asscheeks, she would tug it back into place with a finger as soon as she stood up.

It always irritated him.

Steve was mesmerized by it. Steve’s eyes wandered often, attempting to be subtle, but failing.

There were a lot of girls to be mesmerized by.

Billy hated to think about his own eyes wandering at the school gym. If anyone was watching him closely, he’d be found out easily. Though, Steve had looked at him enough to pick up on it.

But Steve didn’t look at him that way. Admiring him; eyes over his body, ready to eat him up. Karen, most women, the men at the bar…. They all did.

Steve only looked at him with that same lust filled obsession when Billy was going down on him, or when he was inside Billy, close to climax.

Never subtle wanting.

He didn’t know if Steve had ever called him attractive… Had looked at him like that. It was common. He knew it. He used his attractiveness. He worked hard on it.

Steve commented on his looks, but only jokingly. Shocked a man would take so much time in his appearance.

Steve wasn't looking at him, so it felt like it was for nothing.

Had he always been this much of an attention whore?

Yeah, he had. He always wanted someone to be watching him. He was a showoff.

He sighed.

  


People were starting to filter out of the pool. He blew his whistle to let everyone know they have twenty minutes left.

Tuesday evenings were quiet. Heather had punched out an hour and a half earlier. He’d be closing.

He was walking the perimeter of the pool when Steve tried to splash him. Jokingly blowing a kiss when Billy recoiled.

He cracked a hesitant smile.

Robin was wrapped around Steve’s arm, chastising him, whispering in his ear, probably telling him how mean he was.

Billy squatted near the edge of the pool.

They chatted about nothing. Alternating between swimming and harassing him. He splashed them back.

Total denial that they knew each other would be incriminating. It was worth keeping up appearances.

After a while, Robin made an excuse and left. Steve stayed. Billy couldn’t help but notice how Steve gazed at the water dripping off her dark suit as she exited the pool.

It made his stomach tight.

Steve smiled back at him. Youthful goofy boyishness; fake charm.

….

Steve stayed after closing, waiting around as Billy cleaned up.

They had probably planned this, knowing Billy couldn’t resist. The perfect opportunity to mess with him again.

Billy snorted, disgusted. ...but it was something he wanted. Delicious bait was delicious.

Steve should have known what he was getting into.

...

  


They washed the chlorine off in the showers. The door was locked. Steve let Billy kiss him languidly. Steve’s erection prodded against his thigh.

The jealousy in his core vibrated, mixing with the typical lust.

He doesn't like me. This is only a fuck. He’s using you. Conflicted with: Since when has ‘only a fuck’ been an issue?

Steve was hot. He was lucky to bang him in any way possible.

“You’re always so horny,” he mumbled into Steve’s mouth. “It’s almost like you like me,”

Steve’s bottom lip was shiny and pouting, begging to be bitten and claimed even in public. Billy hated how it turned him on. He’d get his face beaten, receive a whole different kind of swollen lip….

Steve never outright denied him when they were in the sack. Never said anything that would hinder getting his dick sucked…. It was kinda sweet before Billy had caught on ... but Billy couldn’t deny that he loved sucking dick, especially the dick of a pretty boy he had a crush on.

Steve's hands were in Billy’s hair, pushing him down to his straining crotch.

Billy fought it, playfully. Dipping just enough to make Steve think he was going to. He received a frustrated grunt. “What do you want babe?” He clutched the warm flesh, pressing a thumb in uncomfortably, watching for a reaction before moving up to kiss Steve’s neck. Biting, leaving a small mark, above his collar line; enough to be seen later.

He wanted to know how Steve would explain away the mark later. Denial was a wonderful thing.

He kissed Steve’s face, biting his shoulder before whispering in his ear, still not giving what was wanted. "You only hard because Heather's suit was all the way up her ass today.”

Billy found it irritating. “Why don't you look at me like that?"

A breathless whisper and moan in reply.

Whines. Exhaustion and frustration at the game Billy insisted on playing.

But Billy wanted to amp up the anticipation. “You want more, baby? More what?”

Steve finally answered. “Suck my dick,” A pouty needy whimper. It was adorable, but Steve knew exactly what he was doing; playing the field. Treating Billy like a dumb bitch. Frankly, he found it insulting that Steve thought he wouldn’t notice.

It pissed him off. He was at least a smart desperate cocksucker.

“Only if you suck me first,” A coy suggestion. Flirting like always. He had not often played hard to get, but Steve had come to him this time, deserving a special kind of hell for taking advantage of desperate sluts. Billy would be the king of hell when he got there.

He was jerked out of his thoughts when Steve’s lips trailed down his neck, sucking on the junction of his collar bone. Kissing behind his ear, almost like a lover. His dick took interest in that.

His lover’s mouth descended. Lips on his chest, sucking at his tits. Careful to avoid his necklace. Billy flipped the pendant around his back, he didn’t need St. Christopher watching. He’d flip it back the other way if he decided to let Steve fuck him in the showers. To be spread open. Hot soapy bodies…. If Steve would bite his neck while pulling his hair…..He wanted to feel those pinpricks of pain.

Soft tongue wrapping around peaked nipples pulled him back to the present…. Hands on his chest holding him to the shower tile. He grew weak in the knees. He did not make girly noises.

His dick jumped when brushing Steve’s hip. He was lightheaded. He could have been hallucinating when he felt a second of nothingness before warm lips on the tip of his cock.

The sound of the shower was loud in his ears. The steam fogging up the room. Cute brunette boy on his knees, mouth full of dick.

Water running down Steve’s face, dripping onto his thighs…..

He would pay for porn like this...if he ran away from home, he could probably be a pornstar… He stashed that thought for later.

Pouty lips sliding all the way to the root, worried eyes. Steve always looked concerned when giving a blowjob. It would be wonderful to photograph Steve like this.

“You’re so fuckin pretty,” Drenched hair, big brown eyes staring up at him eagerly, sweet mouth turned into a fleshlight... He fought the urge to fuck his face and come down his throat.

What cute faces Steve while struggling to take him.

Warm heat wrapped around him, sucking and pulling him to pleasure.

Then Steve swallowed him. Slick wet mouth around him. Slurping sounds making him seem more enthusiastic as the water ran down his face. It’d be wonderful verbal blackmail for later. Inciting ore cute blushes and yelps of embarrassment.

To come in Steve’s mouth and then get fucked by him would be a dream…..He could almost forget Steve didn’t like him, didn’t look at him…. Didn’t want him until he was horny. He’d forgive Steve for now. Want fogged his brain.

“Put your fingers in me,” He was a slut.

Two fingers were jammed inside. The roughness was appealing. Such a desperate slut…. He chastised himself. He hated being like this.

Billy grunted as throat muscles constricted again, creating even more sweet heat around him. He pressed farther in, admiring the choking and sputtering, watery eyes and drool mixing getting lost in the water.

Whines and mewls and pleading.

He held Steve’s head to his hip, fingers tangling in his hair. Unmoving, but relishing in the heat and feel of a heartbeat in his throat. Both love drunk.

“Yeah, you can’t do that with a clit can you?” A breathy observation appreciating how deep Steve had taken him and the lust in the man’s eyes.

It was enough to make Steve stop, pulling off, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, looking warily up at Billy.

There were only so many dirty things Billy could say.

Steve’s pupils were still dilated. Lips so wonderfully pink and wet and pouty….. He was still staring at Billy.

Maybe still wanted to fuck, maybe wanted to run away again. Shit was confusing.

Probably still wanted to fuck him.

To his surprise Steve’s hand returned to his cock, other hand now gripping his hip. Billy half expected Steve to either leave or order him to turn around so he could close his eyes and imagine Heather or Robin or Nancy while pounding him; the easiest and closest thing to pussy…..

But Steve’s hand was wrapped around both of their manhoods stroking. Frotting in the slick steam.

Steve kissed his jaw. Still touching him.

Lust was an interesting mix with spite. Chests together, hand traveling to tweak his nipple.

“You’re such a bitch,” Steve gasped into his mouth.

Billy laughed, pulling steve into him, “I like it when you call me Princess, pretty boy,” His tongue demanded Steve’s attention again, “But you can make me your bitch,” He tasted his pre-come on Steve’s lips.

Who else had Steve called princess? Probably Nancy. Maybe Robin, if she wouldn’t kill him for implying it.

But there was nothing like a fuck to forget and blow off steam. Freeing to let go and give in to his body’s needs.

Billy’s hand met Steve’s between them, adding more pressure and friction to their cocks. The grossest perversion of handholding. It irked him that Steve’s fingers were longer… But those long fingers had their advantages.

Steve’s free hand was kneading his ass. Teasing his taint.

“You gonna play with my ass again?” His body ached, but he broke the embrace. Just enough to leave Steve wanting…. being wanted always felt good.

  


Bending posed suggestively before he exited the shower. His body language screamed ‘follow me’. 

Steve quickly turned off the water, before trotting after. Billy was curious if Steve had been watching the water dripping down the curve of his ass, along his toned thighs, before pooling at his feet. Like he’d been watching Robin.

Steve stopped to wrap a towel around his waist. Billy chuckled, “Who’s here to see you?”

Steve loosened his grip on the fabric but refused to let it drop. Something about ‘habit’. His erection was cute underneath the terrycloth, a prevalent bump against the thick fabric.

At least he was still hard.

  


He led the older boy to the storeroom, more tittering and giggling from Billy as Steve followed. If Steve wanted the desperate cockslut bimbo, that’s what he’d get. ….not that Billy normally minded, but today it left a sour taste in his mouth.

Maybe it was just the musty nasty storeroom.

Steve wrinkled his nose at the dirt, “Can’t we do the sauna or something? This is...…” A room full of yard tools and pool chemicals? Yeah, not sexy. I know.

Billy gripped the storeroom fencing, it was a gate that separated the general tools from the more noxious chemicals. “I wanted something to hang on to,” He rattled the chainlink. A flirt. He shut the door. Steve wasn’t going to deny his body.

Steve leaned against the fencing. The metal door on the other side of the fence was shielded by a cement lean-to from outside. This was as private as it got.

Steve was observing and questioning. Inexperienced and out of his element, just like the first time they fucked

He shoved Steve against the fence with a clatter. Steve’s breath quickened, but his cock expressed interest. Fear makes one hell of a boner.

Cement floor gritty under their damp bare feet. Probably would need another shower after this, lest he go home covered in dirt and come.

“Why do you like these girls more than me? Don't you?" Billy hated the intonation in his voice as soon as he heard it. It was supposed to be alluring and mocking, instead, it sounded like a petulant child.

Steve was quick to catch himself, bracing against the metal. His jaw was tight, demanding what was going on, but so far he wasn’t struggling… probably thought he was still getting laid.

“I saw you watching them,” He licked his lips, clicking his tongue, begging Steve to kiss him to shut him up in the best possible way.

Steve challenged him instead, “Maybe,”

The attitude was kind of cute. A fun challenge… maybe that’s why he’d kept Steve around for so long. He probably couldn’t keep a stable relationship. Monotony was boring.

Billy smirked, stepping closer, pressing a knee to the other’s groin before grinding their cocks together. Steve wasn’t fighting yet, but it a good position in case Steve threw an elbow.

“You still like Robin don’t you?”

Steve snorted, “She’s gay. It’s not going to happen,” He allowed Billy’s fingers up his ass. Slicked with spit.

“But you want to.” Pointed, glib. Billy fished a bottle of lube out from a back shelf and slicked his fingers.

Steve seemed surprised at the bottle. A new bottle, half full. “You do this often?”

“Everyone fucks in the storeroom,” Charming smile. “It’s not just me. Turn around,”

Steve’s fingers threaded through the storeroom’s wire fencing in an attempt to back up. He was cornered. Right where Billy wanted him.

“Why don’t you like me?” Billy panted into Steve’s ear. Still close enough their bodies were touching, sending sensual electricity to the back of his brain telling him to fuck right now.

Steve scoffed. “This right here is a good reason,”

  


Steve was on his tiptoes now, taller than Billy but slimmer. Billy wasn’t looking for a fight, per-se, but he’d never been good at avoiding one...

“If you were really gay, you’d look at me. You’d want to fuck me. You’d want me to fuck you,”

“I do fuck you, I don’t think you can argue that,” Condescending tone told him Steve thought he was ridiculous.

Maybe he was overreacting, though he didn’t care. “Yeah, that’s all you wanted, why didn't you ever notice me?" Billy hated that it sounded like whining.

“Fuck! Can’t I get anywhere with you? I noticed you, why else would I be here,”

“You know it’s Robin who noticed. You tried to impress her by hooking up with me. You’re still trying to get at her,” Billy had no idea if he was right. But it would get Steve riled up. He wanted to know if he was right. “Turn around, spread your legs,”

“Yeah, okay. Sure,”

Billy was taken aback. He’d expected denial, expected to be fought.

“Isn’t that what you want me to say?” Steve snarled at him, facing the fence, compliant. “You think I’m desperate?”

“Turn around. Feet apart, keep them on the ground,” Billy commanded.

Steve hesitated. Trembling as he gripped the fence.

Billy never planned these things, he always felt it at the moment. His knee parted Steve’s.

He kissed Steve’s ear, “Do you know what I’m gonna do to you?”

“Yeah,” a croak. Maybe bile rising in his throat.

He ruffled Steve’s hair, “You’ll like it, you’ll be fine,” His sentiment wasn’t disingenuous. “You can fuck me all you want after, just let me do this,”

Lust and touching and fucking overrode his senses. Steve’s mewl’s sending shocks through his legs and toes.

He was so close to climax.

…………………..

“Why are you crying!?”

It would have been better to just let this be another great fuck.

Billy didn’t know why he didn’t make a habit of being the better person. Why couldn’t he let the anger go this time, and why it was bubbling under his skin after running hot and cold in his veins for weeks. This was the first time screaming was overriding the need to get dicked...

Steve’s tears irked his already ever-present frustration.

Billy threw the first punch.

Steve threw up a wing block but was still knocked sideways. The brunette glared at him from the floor, nose flaring.

Billy rolled his eyes, “What’s the problem? You came here to fuck,”

Steve’s feet swept his legs out from under him. He landed hard. The cement floor shocked is tailbone. “What do you think I’m gonna do to you?” 

“This! This right here is exactly what I think you’re gonna do! Scream at me, make it all about you,” Steve was on him, dragging him against the fence. Steve’s arm was across his throat, pinning him. “You’re angry you haven’t ruined me. Turned me into someone like you,”

Steve’s fist was above his cheek ready to strike, a warning.

Billy chuckled, “You just want a naked fist fight, goddamn fairy. What? You worried I”m gonna corrupt you? ” he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, “What about you? I’m not your whore, but you keep coming back,” He threw his hands out to the side. Trying, trying fucking hard to not just beat Steve’s stupid face in.

Steve was done arguing, he rolled his eyes, “Well, you take my dick pretty well don’t you?”

  


His world went white at that. He remembered surging forward intent on defending his honor. Steve wanted a crazy bitch, he’d be it.

Thoughts only becoming clear sitting in the pool shower. He didn’t know if he’d won or lost. His knuckles were cracked and bloody and stung. Dull ache through his clenched jaw.

He remembered flashes.

“Yeah, I’m not into you,”

Stinging pain.

His teeth hurt.

  


He remembered Steve’s lip was swollen. His face was bruised and cut from fists and the fence.

Sometimes he looked like that after Neil took out a beating on him.

His face ached.

Sometimes he looked the same after sex. He proudly admired the marks in the mirror, proof he’d been claimed.

He now wanted to forget that similarity. Power and sex were a combination his thoughts rarely teased consciously.

He’d only been to a kink bar only once. Entering was an accident, leather jacket and boots matching the patrons. It had frightened him.

His gut had rolled, concluding that this was the pit of hell. The bottom of his depravity. He cursed himself for wanting to see more.

A man had asked to take him home. He’d ran away.

The line between violence and sex was blurry. Weren’t most of his hookups that.

What is violent?

He wanted his brain to shut up, but adrenaline seemed to be the only cure for intrusive thoughts.

It was dark when he went home.

He used concealer for the next few days to hide the bruises. Neil found out and yelled. Gave him even more.

…………………………………

In retrospect, Billy admitted he’d gotten carried away. He was angry. Just wanted to scare Steve a little bit.

There was a thrill at the moment, but after the adrenaline died his stomach was sour. It was new. It didn’t feel good like punching the crap out of someone normally did.

He always got carried away. Too emotional.

…………………..

Maybe it was time for an apology. Admit he fucked up.

Billy gave him a phone call.

He got one word out before he was hung-up on.

He listened to the dial tone.

…………………………..

He gave Steve a few days. Still nothing.

……………..

Driving around to find Steve’s car at one of the kid’s houses was pretty easy.

Steve opened the door, chain lock still in place, shaking his head with an “I don’t want to do this now,”

Billy, like always, pushed the boundary. Stepping up to the screen door, Stating, “Well, I want to,”

Steve sighed, opening the door. For a second Billy thought they’d be talking.

He was met with a punch in the face. White-hot pain blossoming over his cheek. Billy conceded that he deserved it. He let Steve punch him, knock him down. Punish him.

A kick to the groin humbled him, but he blocked most of the worst of the shots.

Suppressed the urge to fight back. Let Steve continue until he was exhausted.

He saw the kids watching him through the window. Shocked, some cheering. Little crowd at a gladiator tournament.

Max was glaring at him.

The punches slowed. Steve was panting. He tentatively nursed his cheek from one of the few lucky hits that got in.

“We cool now? You good?” He was still on the ground, Steve looming over him.

“Get out of here you freak,” Cold spit landed on his face. The fucker spat at him. He suppressed the rage bubbling in his gut.

He snorted, sauntering back to his car. It was worth a shot.

So much for that.

Steve would come back eventually.

……………………………………….

It seemed like it was taking a long time.

He tried calling again.

Again and again. He filled up the answering machine with messages he probably shouldn’t have sent.

Steve’s father answered the phone that evening. Sternly telling him to “Leave my son alone,”. Billy retorted. He was hung-up on. No one wanted to hear that Steve needed to leave him alone too.

Billy was the only one with ugly desires.

He paced his room. Throwing beer cans at the wall. Raging and spitting. He ripped his bed frame out of the corner. Cheap metal scratching the floor. Max timidly knocked on his door letting him know “Dad’s coming home in half an hour,” So he’d better fuckin get his shit together.

He left one more phone call to Steve’s house, fuming as he waited for the numbers to dial. Nobody picked up. The answering machine was still full.

He drove off. The roar of the engine not calming the thunder in his head. The night air failed to cool him.

Stopping by a payphone he called Robin. She answered but didn’t say anything beyond hello. How could she? He was sobbing and hysterical. She probably couldn’t make out half of what he was saying.

But she let him talk. She let him scream it out. He got frustrated that she wasn’t answering.

He slammed the phone down.

He noticed his change had run out long ago. Might as well have been fuckin talking to himself.

He revved the engine, taking a swig of the Jack Daniel’s under the seat. He found a used condom under there. Sticky and dirt covered. He flung it out the window.

………………………………...

Steve found him at the quarry, shitfaced drunk. The blue haze of night had overtaken the landscape.

Billy watched the lights of the station wagon slowly rolling up the gravel road.

He threw his empty fifth of whiskey over the edge, watching it spiral into the blackness.

He sat on a rock, feet apart, as Steve exited the car.

“Well look who it is?” He whistled, smacking his lips, “Hello~ pretty boy!”

He stumbled getting up, falling with a crunch against the gravel. “Ya wanna fuck me again? That’s why you’re here isn’t it?”

“Billy, stop.”

“Why!” he drawled. “Don’t you want me anymore? You getting your dick wet someplace else?” He had finally righted himself, stumbling over to Steve, wrapping his arms around him.

Steve recoiled from the smell of booze and vomit. Billy had thrown up already, but was still drinking… He grinned through it.

Cigarette pack discarded next to the rock. Half full. Must have fallen out of his jacket.

“What pretty boy? You got nothing to say to me!?” Billy chewed his tongue, jonesing for a smoke, but not wanting the calm the nicotine would bring. He tried for that calm with a few deep breaths. He leaned in for a kiss his drunken mind told him was right. “Fuck man!…. I like you,” The kiss was pushed away.

“I know!” Steve shouted, “And I don’t know what to do about it! I don’t want it!”

“Well…. I like you,” The intoxication making him more honest than his sober mind dared. He was terrified at the confession escaping his lips, though, right now, those lips seemed less like his own.

Steve seemed tongue-tied. “Well… fuckin’ -stop... I- I’m not-“

“You’re the one who wanted to do this!” Billy bellowed. “Look,” He tried to remain reasonable, “Let’s just ride it out. Let’s have fun until my teeth get bashed in. You know it’s gonna be me. I’m the unpopular one around here. See where it takes us. It’s not like we’re gonna run away to California together or anything.” The words slurred. Steve may not have understood him, but he got the gist of it.

“You always make this about you,” His exhaustion wasn’t lost in the noise of Billy’s mind, “I live here. I have family here. I like my family,”

Billy was furious at that statement, “Well, not everyone’s that lucky!”

“I am and I want to keep it that way! You need to stop. I don’t want you!”

“Whop-de-fuckin do, yeah. I gather that.” That was where the conversation was going when this started…. No other outcome.

Steve shook his head and grumbled. “Billy, will you stop fucking screaming!? You scream at me, you scream at the kids, at Max. You just yell, in the car, just because. What is wrong with you? You’re an animal,”

“I scream in bed, you like that,” Flicking his tongue, ready to be punched. Inviting it. The pain would make him giddy. It’s what he wanted.

He scoffed, “You’re a sex addict, Billy.”

Billy ignored him, “You think I should yell? Wanna fuck me in your room again Stevie. I’ll scream so loud the neighbors will hear me. Oh yeah~! Oh-oh! Steve, ah! Fuckin rail my ass, give it to me hard!” A mocking shrill girlish voice.”Hey! Hawkins! Steve’s a FAGGOT!” The quarry echoed back to him. He giggled at the repeat. He gripped Steve’s coat.

“Stop,” Strong hands on his shoulders, dragging him up. He shook them off.

“You’re always telling me to stop. Everyone’s always telling me to stop.”

“Well, maybe you should,”

“Well, I don’t want to,” He’d been pacing by the cliff for what seemed like forever. Diving off was a giddy daydream, but he wasn’t that desperate. He’d always been a scaredy-cat. Scared of living, scared of dying.

Pushing somebody off though…… that was appealing. The power…..Before the horror of what he’d done would settle in. Just like in the storeroom of the pool….. That’s why they were here, wasn’t it?

He wasn’t drunk enough to forget that. ...and he was out of booze.

  


He really needed to piss. He relieved himself over the cliff, nearly stumbling off of it as he turned. Steve grabbed him around the waist. Billy cackled,

“Hey Harrington, you wanna hold it?” He leaned back into the other man. Firm body against his… Strong arms around him.

After finishing he retched in the bushes.

He was wiping his mouth when red and blue lights chirped from up the road. Gravel popped and snapped under tires.

Hopper clambered out of the truck looking exhausted. 2 am wasn’t his favorite time for teenage shenanigans. “I heard this was a suicide call,”

Billy burst out laughing, “Steve, baby, you did this? For me? You’re worried?”

  


He was handcuffed and escorted to the police car, “I’m not gonna do anything! God! Steve! What the hell!”

Steve stood there silently, warily watching him.

He didn’t struggle too bad. The cop wasn’t who he wanted to be fighting right now.

Hopper wasn’t going to ask what happened and why. What had happened was obvious.

He was told to ‘sleep it off’ in the drunk tank. “I’ll take you home in the morning,”

He was probably lucky Hopper had taken pity on him.

………………………….

Susan wasn’t happy picking him up in the morning. The keys to the cell rattled, the female guard barked at him. Susan was disappointed.

The sun hurt. His muscles ached. He had the worst case of cottonmouth he could remember, and he still felt like crying.

Whatever. Get out of the fucking county jailhouse and deal with the rest of it later.

They picked up his car from the quarry. She held the keys away from him, stating “If you behave yourself, I don’t need to tell your father,”

He agreed, grabbing for the pieces of brass.

……….

The house key was changed.

“If you don’t come back on time, you’re not sleeping here,”

Fair enough.

At least he still had his car.

In a car, he could run away.

………………….

Two days later was a house party.

He invited himself. Heard about it from Tommy and Carol. Nothing was secret in a small town.

He came to scare the locals. Fuck a few girls before alcohol inebriated his dick too much. Go back to being in denial and not looking at the few attractive guys. Everything was rumors between him and Steve, no evidence to prove or disprove anything.

Rumors circulated fast and were almost as good as fact. He pretended not to know why the guys avoided him now.

There was a cute brunette girl who’s name he should have known…. They fucked in someone’s parent’s room.

He came but it was lackluster.

He stole the gold women’s jewelry sitting on the dresser, intent on flipping it when out of town.

He was so drunk he thought his eyes weren’t right when he saw Steve in front of him. It was like a dream. His body was unpleasantly warm. The room was moving. A nightmare. He’d come here to escape.

“Hey hot stuff, why are you here?” Cocky but unsteady. The brunette girls’ lipstick was stick on his sweaty neck.

Steve was too…..pretty.

He was staring too long.

Fuck it. Who cares.

His reputation was ruined anyways. Steve stayed in his line of sight. Another outsider who wasn’t supposed to be here.

He defended his title as keg stand king. Pestering Tommy for congratulations. Tommy pretended he didn’t notice.

Getting sloshed without a crew probably a bad idea. He had no idea how he’d wound up in the bathroom face over the toilet.

“Get your act together,” he said to himself, or Steve said it. Yeah, Steve said it, because Steve was here holding his hair as he puked.

Fireball tasted the same coming up as it did going down.

They were both not supposed to be here.

“You’re so pretty,” He smiled at Steve.

….fucking in the bathroom… He would have done it if Steve asked. Just a blowjob… Let Steve choke him with it. His mouth watered... 

When vomit turned to dry heaving, Steve gave him a shoulder to lean on. 

The stubble on Steve’s cheek was fascinating. Steve placed his fingers back at his side.

He replaced his fingers with his lips. Warm skin, slightly scratchy against his face. He was so happy and content and warm.

“We’re leaving now, stop. You smell,”

He giggled. He hadn’t worn a shirt at all. He could have smelled far worse. Sour bile still staining his hair, tinging the chemical Aqua Net. 

Steve’s body spray smelled nice.

  


He was sober enough to stumble down the stairs if he used both the railing and Steve’s shoulder as support. Steve must have been drunk too; his shoulder was unsteady.

They sat on the porch, tucked away in a corner. The cute brunette girl fed him crackers. He pretended to not know when he would crush some and drop them in her cleavage.

When Steve gave him a soda, he climbed over Steve’s lap, purring. 

………….

He remembered the girl left. 

He’d knocked over the Coke bottle, Steve picked up the Coke bottle…

Pulling Steve towards him.

Not caring just _ wanting. Warm, soft. Comfort. Silky hair. _

  
  


Whatever he’d did, he’d fucked up. The bodyheat left.

Steve settled the barely touched bottle on the railing next to them.

…...

Billy wandered the party.

There were less people outside than inside. A group of guys from the basketball team were playing with firecrackers.

No pool here, only open yard leading to nothingness; fields and fields and more fields because it was fucking Idiana.

They were coming towards him. 

He should have thought about this, he’d been avoided all party.

……………...

Hands-on his body grappling his clothes. Pulling him into submission.

For how many of them, he was holding his own pretty well. He broke the fucker’s nose, before a kick to his groin sent sharp burning pain through his body that collapsed him. “Serves you right, goddamn pervert,”

A boot in his stomach.

A sex fiend, an outsider.

Yeah yeah, it was all true.

He swung back, knocking somebody’s face into his knee before being overpowered. 

They were starting to have an audience, chattering and observing from the porch.

He’d never thought about how cold a grass lawn was against bare skin. 

His teeth clacked. He bit his tongue.

Another low blow and he was pinned.

From somewhere Steve showed up and got a punch in. Lucky enough to knock them away a moment of distraction. He was on his feet, elbowing Tommy hard in the throat.

He tasted blood in his mouth. Tangy and dirty.

He ran away. He was lucky he wasn’t the one they wanted. They dogpiled on Steve.

“I can’t believe you were one of us!” The sick smack of impact on flesh, the grinding of being dragged across the dirt. His heart was pounding.

He could have turned around, but he didn’t. He could have called the cops or drove his car around and threatened to run them over. He could have grabbed the knife out of his glove compartment. He could have been the hero, but a murder charge wasn’t worth it. The law wasn’t on his side.

Who was he fuckin kidding? He wasn’t going to win a five on one fight. He was a coward. Bravery here would be stupidity.

He called the cops. The secretary seemed bored on the other end of the line but agreed to send a car over.

He didn’t know what happened after that.

He described it as a drunken brawl. Like most things in his life, it was the most convenient version of the truth.

…………………

He called the Harrington house and was hung-up on. Thrice, not all of them on the same day.

He asked Max what happened. She acted as if she knew he could have stopped it, could have helped and chosen not to.

He cornered Lucas at the arcade, demanding to know. Management escorted him to leave.

On the third day, Robin gave him a call. Her voice wavered.

It could have happened to her, but not the same way. A girl you’d just rape her. Tell her all the wonderful things dick could do to her, then leave her alone. He’d never heard of anyone beating up a lesbian, not a femme one at least.

She said he was at the hospital. She told him, “I think you should be there,”

……………………………...

The hospital smelled like antiseptic and death, it made him lightheaded. His hair stood on end as he walked down the hall.

At least it was normal to hate hospitals.

The room had a small bouquet in it. No roommate. Robin sat by the window on an uncomfortable grey visitors' chair. Steve’s eye was swollen. His nose taped into place.

An IV in his arm. He groaned and shifted as he heard footsteps approach, settling back into the bed once noticing who it was. 

“Why are you here, shitface?”

Disappointment apparent. Accusatory.

  


Billy struggled to break the silence. “How you healing?” One of the few times he expressed genuine concern or worry. It didn’t give him any brownie points.

“Fine. I’m just fucking bruised everywhere,” Bitter. Somewhat sarcastic, but he wanted to believe Steve would tell him if it was serious. “My fucking bones are bruised,”

Billy had no reply; he didn’t know if that was supposed to be a joke. Steve fumbled himself to an upright position, grunting at the effort. A sharp whine of pain.

“But, you know what hurts even worse? My reputation,” accusatory disappointment.

_ Why did he ever trust you? _

Billy looked at Robin for help. She had invited him, was it just to shame him?

She stared out the window.

“We’re not boyfriends,” Steve spat, clutching the sheets. Shurely would have chased him out. 

Might still, if he said the wrong thing.

“Then what the fuck is this then?” Billy was never good at not putting his foot in his mouth. ...whatever he said, he’d fuck it up. His hand in his jacket pocket anxiously grasped his cigarette pack. 

“I don’t know,” Steve forced the words out of his throat.

“Friends with benefits? Messing around?” he offered. Billy shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. “It’s not a hookup, sorry. I know what a hookup is.” Please let me be something. Voicing that wasn’t an option.

“Do you? Because it’s not anything!” Crinkling plastic hospital sheets, pained noises. Flared nostrils stretched over damaged cartilage. “I have a life! I can’t just fuck off to wherever to be with you! You know this! My life is here and now it’s fucked!” 

“They’ll forgive you. You’re one of them. I’m the crazy one remember?” Billy was trying, 

Steve wasn’t having it, “They sure look like they fuckin forgave me!” The purple and red marks apparent on his face, “I’m not who you want me to be. I’m not invincible. I told you this’d end badly. ”

What to say to that… It was true, this had been the trajectory all along. But it worked out sometimes... “Right? Robin? It can be fine. How...”

She shook her head, cute soft waves of hair framing her face. Thick eyeliner, chipped nail polish on short fingernails, “Day by day,”

“What about your family?”

She tapped her toe against the hospital bed. 

“So you have no advice?” 

“You expected me to have advice?” Bright eyes left the window but looked to the floor. Deep breaths. “Some things don’t work. You know that,”

Silence was uncomfortable. Clattering metal wheels glided down the halway. Shaky steps. Small talk floated through the door, talk of “You’re doing really well,” and “That’s it, good job,”. “Whoops, almost had it,”

Encouragement. In a bleak place. 

  


“Hey,” Steve croaked, “I don’t like you, but I don’t hate you, ya know?”

Cackling. That was a dirty joke. A low blow. “Sure, I’m sure you feel that way,”

“I know I’m not who you want me to be-”

Billy started laughing.

“Hey! Shut up bitch! I’m talking!” barking at him from the hospital bed. This was too good. “I’m not the guy you think I am. I’m not the ‘King Steve’. I’m not cool. I’m not anything. I used to be, but it’s gone. It’s not coming back… And I don’t know if I care,”

“Then why does this matter?!” Fuming, frustration. “Why can’t we-!” It was the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it. 

“-Why do you think?” Hospital room, IV drip. Taped face. Pregnant silence.

Neil had always told him he didn’t _ understand consequences. _

But he understood them sometimes. When it was too late. When he went too far.

Didn’t ever know how it happened. It was never on purpose.

“Do you not understand anything?” One last gesture of friendship. The boy he was still infatuated with pleading, asking for some kind of connection Billy couldn’t offer. 

It made his stomach sour. The guilt. Disappointment in himself… He probably didn’t understand anything. “I don’t think so, man,” What else was there to say? “One more year and I’m outta here,”

It would have been nice to give Steve one last kiss. Just on the forehead. A gentle touch on the shoulder. 

He didn’t try. It would have been rejected.

Even blowing a kiss at the door might have been too much.

………………….

Billy hadn’t lived long enough in a small town to know if they forgot or held grudges.

He kept a low profile as school came back in.

He’d be out of here in a year anyway. Someplace else would surely be different.

He gripped his mother’s pendant, patron saint of travelers.

Was she still wandering? 

Whatever. This was a wicked little town.

END: 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was a trip. *prepares for the hate mob because love didn't win*
> 
> What did yall think of my first big story? How was pacing? Suspense? Did I break your heart? What can I improve on? 
> 
> as always, my socials are  
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/trashayfanfiction  
https://twitter.com/FishboneLynx

**Author's Note:**

> My first ST fic, let me know how I did.  
My medias are:
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/trashayfanfiction  
https://twitter.com/FishboneLynx


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